u/mangosquirre1

was supposed to go out last night but plans got changed due to weather, ended up at a Chili’s which was a bummer bc that meant I now had to pay for a meal. already stretching it thin.

got up to use the bathroom and my friends asked if I wanted to order a dessert cookie with them if the waitress came by while I was gone, said no thanks I’m good. after I came back and sat down and she came over with the cookies she looks at me and goes “you’re not having a cookie with your friends?!” I just kinda laughed and said no I’m ok but she wouldn’t drop it. literally kept going “but everyone else is, are you sure?!” “you’re the only one not having one that’s so sad!!” “You should order one too with everybody else”

they all know I’m struggling to get a job and broke as hell, I felt like I was standing up on stage getting roasted. obviously she couldn’t have known and was just trying to be friendly but it was dragged out so much it was genuinely embarrassing. basically pleading with my eyes for her to drop it while she insisted I order a 10$ cookie.

does anyone have like a link or something to that one photoshoot of her where it’s like a spiral of her face cut out and overlayed over a standing pic of?

I need it for a Pinterest board LOL and can’t find it i feel like tweets of it got reposted on Instagram and stuff talking about how cool it was if that helps 🤦🏼‍♀️

somehow i just finished my undergrad which felt like it flew by so fast now tomorrow i am moving three hours away for grad school. i am extremely excited to get the hell out of my area and a different school especially, but now that it’s real and actually less than 24 hours away i am SHITTING myself.

grad school?? me???? i like don’t feel old enough or mature enough and am suffering some serious imposter syndrome.

also i had the same roommate all 4 years as we were randomly assigned and she ended up being the absolute best friend ive ever had. now I will have 3 roommates in an apartment. im optimistic about being friends and new relationships but feeling anxious right now!!!! 4:48am I can’t fall back asleep at all haha

the silliest thing is that because I will be so much further from home I am worried about missing my cats! especially as they are getting older I can no longer just be home immediately if something happens. i have 4 and a dog and i love them dearly, they’re half the reason i chickened out of going further after high school.

i swear yesterday i was like 13, now im supposed to be getting my master’s degree lol. this has always been my career goal, just feeling a little unprepared and terrified of the shift to real official adulthood almost

this is a bit of a niche concern I guess. basically as long as I can remember since I was a little kid I’ve had a real issue with being afraid of throwing up/passing out/getting diarrhea in public and I don’t know where it comes from. probably because these symptoms come on when im already experiencing anxiety, so it all blurs together.

basically because of this I avoid long car rides with people, school assemblies in high school, hang outs or restaraunts where bathrooms aren’t immediately accessible. going to class has been hard and so are things like idk any general social responsibility because im paranoid im going to randomly blow chunks and cause a scene. I feel extremely anxious in spaces where exiting / bathrooms is not easily accessible and the thought of causing a scene.

as you can imagine, this makes the idea of my college graduation ceremony this weekend extremely stressful. I feel absolute terror at the thought of the single file line up and sitting in front of an arena of people not able to get up or excuse myself at all. it will be hot, crowded, busy, and I won’t be able to leave if I need— which are some of my biggest stressors.

it’s so dumb but im sitting here thinking what if I throw up all over myself while in line to walk across stage? what if my stomach gets sick while im sat in the crowd? what if I pass out while waiting to be sat? I have no idea how to silence these thoughts and get through the day.

I am considering skipping it but feel I will regret it. As unappealing as the ceremony sounds, I don’t want to have to miss it due to anxiety.