u/mantaquillabutter

i might briefly touch on disordered eating and weight gain/ loss so please keep that in mind when reading!

I’m 21 and I was told last week I have hyperthyroidism that was only picked up because my thyroid started to swell up (unpleasant.) I haven’t yet been to see an endocrinologist so I don’t know the details of what’s happening with my thyroid but I do suspect it’s only a recent thing as I haven’t dealt with hyperthyroidism symptoms until the last few months. Infact, before that, I feel like i experienced a lot of symptoms for hypOthyroidism but that’s an issue for when I actually see a professional 🫣.

I had been overweight/ obese my entire life until finally putting in active effort to lose weight and lost about 60lbs bringing me to a healthy normal weight, but within the past few months, i’ve been severely binge eating almost every night and it’s really really scaring me, I haven’t gained any weight (I suspect because of my heightened metabolism but because I’m eating so much I’m just hovering at the same weight.) and I was wondering (hoping) this might be to do with the thyroid? Has anyone else experienced this? I’ve been prescribed Carbimazole but I’ve been too scared to take it because I’m so terrified of gaining weight again. I worked so hard to get to where I am now and I’ve seen a lot of google results saying Carbimazole usually makes people gain weight but I’m assuming that’s for people who actually lost weight due to the heightened metabolism, unlike me.

If anyone has experienced this, was it related to the thyroid? If so, did Carbimazole make you gain weight, lower your appetite to normal or nothing and the binge eating is unrelated and something I need to tackle another way.

Apologies for the post being quite lengthy, it ran away from me a bit and i appreciate anyone who may be able to help me:)

i just need to vent because i have no one.

friday night i went on a work night out and got very very drunk, im not too anxious about the drunkness itself as it was a rare scenario where getting very drunk is socially acceptable but i still feel a bit embarrassed about how i acted around my coworkers. i spent most of the night clinging onto my fp because i felt like i was going to fall over, i asked this permission to hang onto him and he said it was fine. at one point in the night, my fp abruptly ripped his arm away from me and when i looked over he was talking to a friend of his he told me he’d stopped talking to. this old friend of his caused me a lot of trauma last year that i wont get into purely because it’s so long and just seeing him ruined my whole night.. i felt betrayed that he’d let go of me so quickly to talk to someone who he’d acknowledged treated me so badly and so i went home immediately, drank more alone and had a very pukey and regretful day after. my fp didn’t message me for the entire day afterwards and the next day until i sent him a message apologising for my acts on friday.

i’ve spent essentially 3 days in bed feeling incredibly depressed. he’s barely messaging me and i keep getting memories from being incredibly drunk around my coworkers and feeling really embarrassed for it. i have this week off work and i don’t want to ruin it for myself but i can’t handle being awake right now. i’m feeling everything so strongly and it’s making me feel sick

my fp loves to rage bait me and finds it incredibly funny to poke at my insecurities and upset me but when i get genuinely upset then im “crashing out” and “being a baby.”

most recently, he refuses to let me follow him on instagram. i was upset because to me it’s such a simple thing to have your friends follow you on instagram especially as we have mutual friends who i know follow him because i have them added on the app. his original excuse was “i just don’t use instagram much” but then he sends me instagram reels and tells me about things he sees on peoples stories so it know that’s not true. his next excuse was “i just have so many follow requests i don’t let anyone follow me” but then i see his follower count go up (which, by the way, triggers the fuck out of me and is the reason for my most recent spiral.)

i brought it up to him last night while we were calling and playing games and he started telling me he doesn’t let me follow him because he finds it funny. i told him i don’t find that joke funny in the slightest and tried to get an explanation for why im not allowed to follow him and if its because i’ve done anything.. he kept just laughing at me and saying he does it as a joke and eventually told me to get over it because im being a huge baby. i cried, and i had to mute myself for a few minutes to lie on my bed and cry. i feel so misunderstood and this constant treatment is killing me. he used to be so kind and understanding and would research bpd to better understand me and i don’t know why he’s become so cruel. since i became noticeably more somber in the call (and he could tell i was crying because he mocked the sounds i made from sniffling etc) he hasn’t messaged me all day. im so depressed ive shut myself in my room and wont talk to anyone

i just want a hug really badly but unfortunately he’s the one i want a hug from but he caused all this hurt

update: i know i only posted this a few mins ago but i sent him a message asking him to stop with a joke when i start getting upset and he called me dramatic 🙃