u/marciniakjl

Like so many others, I am having a hard time figuring out if this is the right time.

Frannie is 16-18 years old. I rescued her in 2014 after she had just given birth to 9 puppies in a Kentucky shelter. I adopted her through a special needs rescue. She is an English Shepherd/Beagle mix. She is my first dog. Anyway, about a year or so ago she started slowing down. She started exhibiting signs of CCD, which has also gotten worse. She has been diagnosed with chronic kidney disease, and I have to keep her baby-gated in my guest room with puppy pads while at work. This has been going on the last few months. Her poop is like hard clay no matter how much water I give her. My understanding is that is from the kidney disease. She also has arthritis in her neck, hip, and back. It makes it hard for her to stand for long periods even at the food and water bowl. She's on Gabapentin and Cosequin. I tried Librela, but I am not doing that again. She's not incontinent. The Proin did not help with the daily peeing in the house. She had a UTI, which was resolved after several rounds of medication. And she still pees. On walks she will just squat and pee now in the middle of the sidewalk. She won't even bother going into the grass. She's also peed at the groomer a few times which she never did before.

She has also started eating less. Unless I give her Costco chicken -- which I do as a treat -- she has gotten finicky with her food. This is very recent, like within the past few weeks. I have about four different flavors of wet food I give her and she has been fine until recently. She still loves her cookies, but her teeth are not the best anymore. The vet does not recommend cleaning them again because putting her under would be too hard on her. So we use alternative methods.

She is also partially deaf and partially blind. I have to wave at her to get her attention. Sometimes she will just stare at me. Or sometimes at nothing. Outside in the yard or on walks, she has a hard time moving between shadow and light and will flinch like someone is hitting her in the face. She used to be able to easily do 3-4 miles. Now half a mile is a bit tough on her. Given the issues, we don't go on walks as much. It's also very hot here in West Texas.

The CCD has also taken a toll. She paces constantly, especially in the evenings. But it's happening in the mornings now as well. And recently she's started waking up around 12 or 2am and wanting off the bed. I have to settle her back down and she will stop trying to get down. If I let her down, she will just wander back and forth in the room. If I let her outside at 2am she just stares and wants back in immediately. It's exhausting.

There is another complication. I am leaving to go out of the country for two weeks at the end of July. I hired a house sitter. However, I am concerned if I leave for that amount of time Frannie will be very confused with a new person in the house. I mean, she gets confused if I move her water dish. She has met her once. I am more concerned that if something happens, the house sitter will have to handle it. She is good with animals -- she works at a pet hotel and her mom is a foster -- but I don't want her to have to go through that. Frannie is used to me leaving for long periods, but we were not dealing with dementia or kidney disease at that time.

My vet says it is my call. However, I am stressing about making this call too early because of the trip. I had to put down my other rescue dog last year, but he declined very quickly to the point I had to hold him up to poop. I am not going to let her get that far. I made the decision a few weeks ago to make the appointment on July 10 or July 17 and I felt very solid about it, that it was the right call. Now I am not so sure. Maybe because July 10 is coming up fast. I know it's better to make the call a day too early than a day too late, and I have been counting her good vs. bad days. Right now those days are about 50/50.

I think I just needed to put this out into the universe more than anything else. Thanks for reading.