u/marieantoilette

EDIT: I edited it a few days later. A bit inelegant for a forum but I didn't want to delete it. :) <3

My room has four walls, one door, a window with black tape over it. Stains on my bed are proof of time passing. A few times a day, the door handle moves.

Behind my wall, the sun is shining brightly. The light is just a few centimeters away, yet its warmth is a distant memory that I can barely remember, the thin threads of light that penetrate the cracks a beautiful whisper of distance and life.

And there you are.

Behind my wall, there you are. Where, I do not know. I have never met you. I have never touched you, never felt you and never called you. And yet, I know you, and you know me.

I look at this wall. It is big and silent. I know it well. The mystery behind it is a magnificent story with endless potential, love, and heartbreak.

I look at the wall, and I look with you. It's your old companion, your iron bars, and your shield. It is part of your prison and refuge.

Your wall is my wall. Your bed is my bed. We do not share the same body, but we share the same door. We do not share the same memory, but we share the same dream.

I look at the wall, and I look at you. Our eyes meet.

And we may too.

Someone asked for an example for a movie that sets the record straight on a historical event. I made a comment, but I put so much work in it, it became sort of a little essay. I thought you might be interested in it.

Art is always subjective but for the sake of the argument, let's look at the Vietnam War. Also I competely escalated my bad.

• The Little Girl of Hanoi (1974). A Vietnamese movie about a child that is very good but also unsurprisingly propagandistic as fuck.

• The Deer Hunter (1978). Great film on trauma of war, maybe. Absolutely terrible depiction of the Vietnam War and of Vietnamese, who are just almost just evil in that film lol.

• Apocalypse Now (1979). An outstanding portrayal of war, trauma, madness. A very poor historical depiction of the War. Vietnam is merely a backdrop. The Vietnamese are heavily dehumanized in the film. There are no South Vietnamese comrades, nor any Vietnamese enemy who is anything more than a faceless adversary. Sadly, THE Vietnam War film.

• When the Tenth Month Comes (1984). A Vietnamese movie about a woman who loses her husband in the war. Film about loss, family, grief, not just battles. Fucking awesome movie.

• Platoon (1986). Significantly better. Historically very believable. You notice that the director Oliver Stone experienced the war. Still, however, it's the American story, and Vietnamese are the enemy.

• Full Metal Jacket (1987). Extremely realistic in terms of the grueling first half, but the second half is very stylistic. Vietnamese remain a faceless mass apart from stereotypical depictions of Vietnamese prostitutes. No insights into the Vietnamese, neither allies nor enemies. Once again, US centric. To Kubrick's credit, all his films are sort of explorations of humans capacity for violence and how civilization can control or unleash it... could have worked with realistic Vietnamese tho.

• Hamburger Hill (1987). Fairly realistic, American-centric.

• Good Morning, Vietnam (1987). Most sympathetic depiction of Vietnamese so far, but obviously not at all historically accurate and completely US-centric.

• Born on the 4th of July (1989). Historically pretty accurate, and also very anti-imperialistic. Again, it lacks the Vietnamese perspective though. Mind you, that is not necessarily bad if the film, you know, doesn't depict Vietnamese as like wild non-people like Apocalypse Now did. It's just an unfortunate pattern overall. Good film, just again one-sided.

• Casualties of War (1989). One of the very few, if not only films of that era that actually depicts (a) Vietnamese as victim(s) of American violence. However, it is again told through the experience of American soldiers.

• Heaven and Earth (1993). Again Oliver Stone, who actually depicts the life of a Vietnamese woman. Vietnamese with family, fears, problems, violence from both sides. Oliver Stone is a real one.

• We Were Soldiers (2002). Actually a film that depicts North Vietnamese not just as an unhuman mass. They have family and lives. But of course it's mostly about American soldiers, who are of course extremely brave and heroic. Vietnam did not like that film at all.

• Vietgone (2015). Not a movie, a musical. It does basically what Hamilton sort of tries to do but kind of whitewashes. It tells the immigrant story. The story of Vietnamese refugees. And their lives. It twists this whole classic American perspective, puts it right on its head. Giving the American characters stereotypical ways of talking, one may say, is problematic, which in a vacuum it is. But within context, especially as an American musical, this shit gets the people thinking. It's a mirror. It's fucking awesome. But, of course, it's not "the" truth.

In 2015, the novel The Sympathizer was released, written by Viet Thanh Nguyen. Park Chan-wook, by the way, actually adapted it into a TV show, you know, the director of Oldboy, starring Robert Downey Jr. as every single antagonistic American in that film. Which is a fun little twist, because, you know, that's sort of very much what the Americans did for a long time.

But the show is too meta, the book is much, much, much better. In fact, I'd say it's a modern classic. It's about a North Vietnamese spy and set right after the war. Well, the official ending of the war, but one of the key points of that novel is also that the war didn't really end for the Vietnamese. And this man operates in the USA and Vietnam, has comrades both from the capitalists as well as the communists. And as the title already very well puts, that story is a lot about trying to understand what the fuck this shit was. Honestly, I think it's an absolute must-read in terms of war fiction and American history. It also really fucking hates Apocalypse Now.

If there ever really was a fiction media that set the record straight, it's this. But, say the Oliver Stone films, for example, are fire. The American perspective is also real. The problem is that it dominates the entire narrative. The novel The Sympathizer also puts it rather succinctly, by the way, that this is the first war where the losers write history (globally).

A careful person would now say, you need non-fiction for actual understanding or getting closer to truth, as fiction is always subjective, inherently. Simultaneously, people don't, the vast majority of people do not remember World War II from history books. They remember it from the movies they have seen. The longer back it goes, the more this is so. Most people thinking of the Nazi era don't remember the Shoah documentary (watch it!!!) or EVEN a school trip to a KZ - they remember Schindler's List.

Which makes this an interesting topic. At the end of the day, there is not really one fiction that sets the record straight. You don't need to set the record straight for Oliver Stone's Platoon. It is a legitimate story, but it is the American perspective. You don't need to set the record straight on When the Tenth Month Comes, which is in and of itself incredibly accurate, but it is also the Vietnamese perspective. It's a jigsaw puzzle, and fiction can be incredibly helpful to understand the picture. But it will never be the whole truth. An emotional truth, perhaps a cultural one - but not true objectivity. In fact, even documentaries and the most carefully written history book is never simply "the" truth. But non-fiction of course is a necessary fundament to actually understand. To know. Fiction is valuable and can be much more than entertainment - it helps to grasp. And it is not simply less than non-fiction per se. But you need non-fiction as a roadmap. Fiction cannot be a roadmap; it is always a portrait.

One of my absolute favorite filmmakers of all time, Bi Gun, has released his new film Resurrection. Well, at least it's being released in Germany.

I have been looking forward to this film for a long time. He makes such unique movies. My favorite directors include people like Wong Kar Wai, Krzysztof Kieślowski, Hayao Miyazaki, and him. He doesn't do typical narrative stories. He does films based on dream logic. They're slow, melancholic, beautiful, and so magical, like a dream that you can barely remember.

Film used to be one of my biggest passions, and stories still are, but I haven't been able to see films for, well, a while. I am very severe. I'm very lonely, and I... cope, more or less. I long for a little bit of intimacy. That is what I crave the most. And a little stability, a fundament.

But as of late, this hits hard. Films, man, not being able to watch that film, that new film that seems to fucking be everything that I love about cinema. A film about memories and dreams and storytelling itself.

It is like this illness doesn't allow me to dream. It's like this deep sadness that you have when you dreamt of someone who was like your soulmate, share a whole life with almost, and then wake up and don't remember much of it. It's a loss that I cannot quite put into words, much less than this wish for stability and love. It feels like I am not granted memory. I don't know. It makes me rather melancholic.

It is tangible because I know of it. I grieve the people I can't meet, the stories I cannot write. And they hurt, yes they do. I believe Resurrection reminds me of this. Magic that I cannot experience or partake in. Secrets that I may never know.

But it is what it is. C'est la vie, maybe one day. And maybe not. But I know that I am still alive, and very much dreaming.

Vielleicht der Film des Jahres. Noch läuft er vereinzelt in Kinos, glaube ich.

Wird kaum erwähnt, also nur ein freundlicher Hinweis darauf hihi.

Meds can be fire. But I don't dare trying them. So I have my strategies. I wanted to give it as a good resource because I am too weak to comment it so often. And maybe you have further ideas. :)

TL;DR:

• Every minute counts.
• Willpower alone often fails with ADHD dopamine loops.
• Add structure: fixed times, simple limits, clear rules.
• Avoid endless feeds; go directly to what you are looking for.
• Maybe delete the toughest apps to close.
• Make the phone harder to reach.
• Replace scrolling with easier activities (music, audiobooks, hobbies).
• There is no "just checking for a minute". It's a trap!!
• Avoid shame. You are reforning a habit, not failing.

Small steps still count.

Long a bit chaotic version:

It is not all or nothing. Every time you put your phone down, you train your brain. It can get easier.

Willpower alone often stumbles because ADHD brains are vulnerable to dopamine loops.

Stress reduction, sleep, obvious things like that are of course the fundament (and easier said than done, sigh).

Basic

• Remove visual triggers. No shortcuts to your most problematic apps. Grayscale can help as well. Turn off notifications. Unfollow as many subs/accounts as seems helpful.
• Fixed times to use the phone.
• Maybe an app like ScreenZen to limit your time. Maybe timers. Physical, visual timers can be more effective than digital ones because of time blindness and such.
  • The less complicated, the better. Not blocking 50 minutes of an hour, because no way i'll wait. But 10 minutes an hour? Aight, fine.

The hardest part is usually to put the phone down. When you have already have put it down, it is easier not to pick it up again instantly.

Avoiding risks

reddit, instagram, tiktok, ... These websites can get neurotypical people addicted. We already have ADHD lol. They are basically scrolling casinos. So either get rid of them or STRICTLY limit them - like for me, reddit escalates the most. But it's too useful.

So: no feed. NO. FEED. Never-ending content. Bookmark r/cfs or your choice of sub that isn't too active and go straight to it. No feed.

Conscious steps: "I will open reddit, read three posts. Done."

AFTERWARDS

You manage to close it. Now silence. Maybe, if it feels good. But this is haaaard with ADHD. You may be in autopilot and back at it.

So maybe don't remove but replace. Audiobooks, calm music, a manageable hobby. I sometimes do like five minutes of an audiobook. Easier to quit, and much less information overflow. Shouldn't be too thrilling a book in my case though.

Clear rules

Examples: No phone one hour after waking up. No phone when you lie on your left side (if 100 % bedbound). No phone in the bed (if roombound for example).

OBSTACLES!!!!

Make the phone harder to each. That's one of the biggest things.

Just slide it a little further down the bed so you can't insta grab it if you are very severe.

Or put it in a box you have to open first. An extra step.

This can help a lot against the impulse. Not picking it up is often easier than putting it down.

Sometimes a complete break helps. Zero social media. Nothing. For a day, for a week. But this can backfire. But sometimes it's easier than "just a little less".

And brains can adapt. To an extent. I got used to almost zero screen time for months. My brain kept babbling - I just let it. No hyperfocus, no staying at one topic too long, just a flow of thoughts. I had the quiet hum of an air cleaner as barely audible anchor - ADHD brains often compensate complete silence with more rapid thinking.

Then I tried reddit "just a little" again and it escalated in no time. Also struggling.

ADHD varies. Maybe you can't get used to zero screentime. But it often doesn't have to be a race on the highway 24/7. You can often get used to a little less. And even just a minute is golden.

And watch out for "real quick", "just checking". It's a trap.

Maybe a good additional rule: Never open an app without knowing exactly why.

Transition rituals after putting the phone away, maybe. Drink water, listen to one song, open/close a window.

Do not use shame. It just stresses you out and makes your brain crave dopamine all the more. Also u don't deserve it, you are giving your fucking best.

Don't view relapse as failure but as information to figure out patterns.

And... it's a process. Sometimes it's harder, sometimes easier. But learning some strategies and understanding your patterns gives you a compass. This is what it is - a compass, not a get out of jail card. But a compass makes a difference.

<3