Laconic Hilton

Luxury

• General: Shut-up and take my money, also keep the DND sign off so they can make your bed
• Waldorf: Old Money
• LXR: Good luck finding one, also the brand name is just slapped on the front facade.
• Signia: Hotel with built-in convention center
• Conrad: Hilton Plus - no ghosts allowed
• NoMad: Best reason to stay in London - I think

Premium

• General: Guaranteed to run into conventions here
• Hiton Hotels/Resorts: Gotta start somewhere
• Doubletree: Location uses cookies. Accept or reject?

Mid-Scale

• Garden Inn: Hilton Lite
• Hampton: I'm just here for waffles.

Economy

• General: Gotta stay 5 or more nights to get the same point count as a Hampton
• Tru: Need closets? go elsewhere.
• Spark: Super 8 on steroids, also: used hotel

Extended Stay

• General: Gotta stay 5 or more nights to get the same point count as a Hampton (Except Embassy)
• Apartment Collection: Your rent is due every day, but you get the full size.
• LivSmart Studios: Do your own housekeeping, Socialize in the laundry room
• Embassy: couch in front, bed in back, breakfast in atrium, 2 drink maximum
• Homewood Suites: Hampton with a Kitchenette
• Home2 Suites: Embassy without the wall partition, but at least you get a small kitchenette

Boutique

• Canopy: Headboard is above your head
• Motto: Choose your own adventure - hotel room style
• Tempo: No whirlpool, but you get an exercise bike
• Curio, Outset, and Tapestry: The brand name is just slapped on the front facade.
• Graduate: For the ones that like to relive university residence life

Other brands

• Autocamp: Too expensive, I'll bring my own RV or tent
• Small Luxury Hotels: Luxury AirBnb
• Select: A.k.a: Insert third party brand here. (For now, it's just Yotel)
• Grand Vacations: If you're lucky, you escape without paying 25k a year.

Let's see how the others can be described, I leave that to you Feel free to add commentary