i think i want to remove my hijab
Hello im looking foe advice so please be understanding lol.
im a hijabi and i have been a hijabi for the past 5 years by choice. For the past year i have been wanting to remove it for several reasons but a part of me doesnt want to either but the feeling to remove it has been big now more than ever, i would like to share my reasons for some advice:
i live in the west specifically UK where current attacks on muslims/ hijabis is bigger than ever, i live far from my family and im scared something will happen as previously a few years ago a group of boys threw rocks at me and attempted to shout islamaphobic slurs, im a bit scared for my safety being visibly muslim and a coloured female.
i was followed by a much older man when i was out shopping solo, he followed me and approached me in and he touched my arm demanding that i tell him where im from and if im muslim which was obvious because of my hijab, it really scared me and idk if he wouldve done that if i wasnt visibly muslim.
this is a worldly reason and i understand but its still making me feel burdened but i miss the simplicity of doing my hair and dressing how i like, i have a chronic illness that makes it so much harder for me to loose weight, although im not overweight im definitely curvy and its so hard to dress completely modestly without feeling insecure, living in the UK its not easy to wear abayas 24/7 especially as a young teenage girl although im aware that girls do wear it. I feel insecure and i dont know what to do, ive tried different hijab styles and just wearing what i want but it feels like a disrespect to my hijab.
this one pains me the most but ive really been feeling distant from my salah since i started having these hijab pressures, i still pray all 5 no matter how i feel but i just feel distant and unfocused cause im burdened by my hijab thoughts. I love my salah sooo much and i hate feeling like im not worthy of praying even though i am.
there are some other reasons but these are my main issues, i dont know if removing the hijab will fill the void but idk if keeping it on will make me feel better and enjoy everything again. Ik people will say its waswasa from the shaytan and so be it but at this point im so tired of having a mental war about everything about my hijab.