u/mcndjxlefnd

I noticed pretty severe cognitive decline in my dad first starting about 10 years ago. He was convinced some pornstar looking, white 26 year old girl living in Ghana was in love with him. Everybody close to him told him it was a scam. He would get angry at me for disrespecting his girlfriend and tell me that I'll have to apologize to her when she comes to live with him. Eventually, he sent a lot of money to Africa to help her buy a plane ticket to come visit.

Since, I've watched him make terrible decision after terrible decision, waste all his savings, and literally just destroy any opportunity he had to improve his life. He finally started taking Social Security after becoming absolutely penniless and having to borrow money from family and friends for an emergency oral surgery.

In the meantime, I've been dealing with my own serious health issues, which I've actually made great progress with getting a diagnosis and treatment. I realized I have a condition called Chronic Inflammatory Response Syndrome, and I had genetic testing done which indicated my Dad carries the genes for it as well. I started to realize my Dad's cognitive decline is probably in majority due to this condition and that he can likely recover a lot of function if he pursues treatment.

My dad, however, is convinced the only thing wrong with him is his back pain, and is pursuing orthopedic surgery (spinal fusion) to address it. The thing is, my dad has completely stopped all activity and just lies on the couch all day looking at his phone. He's done none of the strengthening needed to help prevent post surgical complications, not to mention the ways elevated systemic inflammation and immune activation from CIRS might affect his recovery.

My dad is still relatively young, just turned 64, and he presents well. He doesn't have the kind of memory loss normally associated with dementia. It's more executive functioning issues that only show up with extensive interactions and even within our own family, I'm the only one that knows the true extent (his confidante). Just the other day he texted me, excited that Pam Bondi had contacted him about doing sound engineering for the new White House Ballroom; I told him it was a scam and he told me I'm too negative. I'm worried that he'll be able to evade scrutiny regarding his cognitive state, and his PCP and potentially surgeon will pursue treatment that my dad is unable to responsibly participate in. His PCP just referred him to a pain management clinic and I'm worried about that because I've had friends whose parents became delirious with opioid pain medication.

Should I be reaching out to my dad's doctor's office and pain management office to inform them of his true cognitive state? Will they even listen to me? I called Adult Protective Services about a year ago and they told me I would need to set up a power of attorney document with my Dad.

After the Pam Bondi text, I confronted my dad about his cognitive decline, inability to make responsible decisions for himself, and tried to persuade him to prioritize treatment for CIRS, in hopes of regaining cognitive function. I told him that if he doesn't get better he'll have to sign power of attorney over to me and will lose the ability to live independently. This has since changed our relationship and he's not reaching out to me as much (a welcome reprieve - I was getting really annoyed by him, but I'm worried long term).

I'm just looking for feedback, guidance, advice from anybody who's been in a similar situation. We're located in California, USA.