AIO that my boyfriend accidentally choked me out in a bar, in front of our friends?
Sorry this is kindof a long one…
So for some context. My (f30) bf(m34) have been together 4 years. He’s a type A, strong “manly man” with a very intense job. I’m also type A with a more moderate job. I love what he does and am proud of his accomplishments. He is big (6’5, 240lbs) and is very good at what he does. I always joke that his love language is putting me into submission holds, which is from his job, but it’s always been playful and then kisses and loves on me. I actually love it!
So now to the story..
My boyfriend and I were at a bar with friends. We were really enjoying the day and it continued into the evening. He was being handsy with me and affectionate, which I loved, considering we don’t have many nights out together. He was doing his normal thing where he comes up behind me and puts my arms behind my back and then kisses my neck. My friend laughed and said it was cute and asked if that was normal. I said yes, it a simple hold and doesn’t hurt at all. I mentioned how it’s our thing and it’s his way of showing affection, and sometimes in the past, he’ll walk up behind me and put an arm around my neck, and pretend to choke me out, then kiss my cheek and be sweet.. I’ve always loved it! When he went to show them what he does, he actually accidentally choked me out. I came to on the floor, he helped me up, and he said “oh you actually passed out?”.. I brushed it off and said how weird it was (not wanting to cause a scene) and we continued about our night..
Later on, when it was just the two of us, I told him that it was actually kindof off putting that it happened and pretty embarrassing. I’ve never been choked out before, let alone in a public bar in front of our friends. I was physically fine, but shocked really. I don’t really know how I felt about it honestly. He tried to say that “I’ve done that to you 100 times, you must have twisted wrong and then passed out”.. so kindof blamed me for him choking me out? He told me that him and his friends choke each other out all the time, it’s no big deal. I reiterated that it was kindof a big deal to me and I would like an apology. I’m pretty tough and I like to claim to be. That being said, he said if I want to claim to be tough then I need to be it. In his words, I should just sack up and take it as an experience and that’s he’s not sorry.
Argument ensues… lots of back and forth, but bottom line, he thinks I’m overreacting for being upset that he choked me out in public. Honestly, if he just apollogized, I would’ve been fine. But he didn’t and said that everyone gets choked out and it’s totally normal in his world. Well I’m not in his world and have never been through it.. I told him that in his world its normal, but in mine, it’s not and it’s not common for that to happen.. he says it’s more common than I think. I’m mostly embarrassed it happened and it happened in front of friends and he was then dismissive of how it made me feel. When I told him how I felt about, he brushed me off and refused an apology…
So Reddit AIO?!
ETA, I think? Sorry I’m new to Reddit.
He’s in MMA/bjj. When I say he puts his arm around my neck, think like when a guy walks up behind his woman and like hugs/puts an arm around her neck and chest. He doesn’t just walk up behind me and put my neck in the crook of his arm.
For some people asking, I did have my hand on his arm, but I didn’t grasp or try to get him off. I just stood there and I had trust he would let me go like normal. Yes I know how dumb that sounds now.