u/meiko63

TW NSFW/sex stuff

long story kind of short i id'd as a lesbian throughout my teens. all my first kisses and stuff were with my girl friends. when i was 20 i went through trauma and it really messed me up. met a guy at 21 and started dating him because the trauma led me to believe i could never be in love, so as long as i liked him as a friend i was fine. so i started to id as bi because i liked men and women....i think. never got off with my ex but that was also partially because he ended up being abusive and selfish. i have a weird relationship with sex from the trauma. etc etc.

anyway 4+ years later i finally got rid of that loser. dated an amazing girl for a while and we really hit it off. we made out and felt each other up and it was the first time in my life i had been turned on. it didn't work out (no bad blood, she moved away) and i kept dating. met a guy as friends and then i just started feeling really connected to him. cut to 18 months later and my boyfriend is my favourite person in the world. he is so genuine, caring, funny, he makes me cum like crazy and always puts me first, he understands my mental health struggles, he's a feminist and also bi. i could go on and on. i care for him so deeply.

we've already talked about a future. we're both so incredibly happy. but i worry that because i haven't slept with a woman i'll regret it when me and my boyfriend are still together later on in life. i would never cheat on any partner, but what if i feel unsatisfied or unhappy? i have heard of so many bi women who have husbands but then sleep with women later on/have an open relationship and i've heard so many sapphic women who DON'T like those bi women. i don't want to be that bi girl. and i don't want to have threesomes because i don't want to just use a woman to experiment.

i am proud to be with my boyfriend. i know, logically, it doesn't make me less queer but sometimes the online discourse gets to me and i feel like a fake sapphic because i've never been sexual with a woman. and then as i said, i'm worried that years from now i'll wish i had ended up with a woman.

idk. bi girlies with a bf/husband/fella....do you relate? how do you get over this feeling? also like what if i'm a lesbian but because my boyfriend is such a great person i have it confused with attraction? i can't think of a single other man i have been attracted to but idk maybe i'm just very picky and traumatized from men? also i don't have a genital preference and i like to top (yes i strap my bf and ideally with women i would top) so i don't think it's just being curious about pussy like some women feel. it's curiousity about women in general and sharing a life and love with one. help....?!!?!?!

TL;DR: worried i have platonic love confused with romantic attraction and scared i will regret staying with a man because i have never had sex with a woman. what do i do?

as the title says. me and my brother both struggle with mental health issues and are currently seeing a free psychiatrist that we were referred to by a GP. he's unhelpful to say the least. we attended free counseling at mental health and addiction services a few years back but it is "short, goal based counseling" and after about five appointments they close your file. unfortunately we have some chronic issues that require more help.

luckily i now get free counseling at the sexual assault center and they're great but that doesn't apply to my brother. we're both currently on the SAID program so don't have a lot of money to pay for a psychiatrist or psychologist. last summer i was told by multiple people in a therapy group at the SA center that they see an unpaid professional psychologist who helps them long term. i have asked around and called the U of S mental health program (was recommended to me) but nobody seems to know what i'm talking about or has any information for me. my GP had no clue either.

does anybody know if there is a way to see a long term therapist of some sort for free or a low price? was there a program that no longer exists and that is why i can't find it? doesn't need to be able to give medication because our mostly unhelpful psychiatrist does that, but even just a therapist would be helpful. we both struggle with really chronic issues (thanks mom and dad) and i need some help that is not just for mild mental health or helping people get back on their feet after struggling with addiction etc. online counseling is also a bit of a bust because it seems to be short term as well. my brother is really struggling and it's hard to see him go through this. if you have ANY ideas please comment or DM me. sorry for the long post.

(also just to be clear, we are both medicated and are not currently at risk of harming ourselves or others so please don't be concerned in that matter)