u/melohdicghost

technically this would probably just be fictionkin, but even if i do kin some characters I've noticed that I feel connected to "animated" characters in general, and I feel more comfortable with that kinda stuff rather than "live action" stuff. it affects my life in multiple ways, and I often wish i was also in an anime like style, I also like how expressive animated characters act and I wish everyone was that expressive.

it's probably because I was homeschooled most of my life and i was constantly daydreaming about animated shows since I was as little as a remember, but I definitely think I'd feel more comfortable in a reality where everything is in a style like that, and it had a huge impact on how i view myself and live my life, I definitely DO NOT fit in here, and I've always gotten more crushes on animated characters too, I don't understand the appeal with celebrities and people in this reality. I do still get crushes on real people (rarely) but it always feels weirdly wrong.

i know animated characters are meant to be appealing for the most part, and their lives are usually meant to seem fun and interesting (well not all) but I still can't help but feel like the life I'm living is the wrong one and I belong somewhere else. the style of this world feels wrong.

even if it is caused by escapism i still feel like it's a huge part of my identity in some way.

would that just be considered fictionkin? is there a term for this?

im constantly getting upset about doubles when I don't wanna be upset, I keep getting upset over the fact I'll never look like the character, I also never feel like myself and I doubt there's any way to actually feel like myself for once, and there are so many other things too, and because of all of that I keep trying to ignore it and avoid it but I keep coming back and then it just repeats.

(forgot to mention I'm also starting to dislike the character, so now i dislike two versions of myself)

I've never had this problem before and I've always been able to sleep within a few minutes, but I didn't sleep at all last night and now I'm concerned. I think I slept for a few hours today? but it felt like I didn't, I also have super bad health anxiety and I'm worried it's something like fatal insomnia, I already don't get proper nutrition because I have problems with picky eating and I'm worried I'm gonna end up dying young.

another problem is that when I get stuck on something I constantly obsess over it for days, if I'm actually fine and I can still sleep I probably still won't be able to if I keep thinking about it, and I don't know how to stop.

i always look at and read nsfw of my favorite fictional characters, and sometimes characters i really like and find interesting, especially If I think they would act interesting in sexual situations, but I don't really feel anything towards their bodies, just them and their reactions. the problem is its towards "them" not their bodies, so it's extremely confusing, because I do feel something towards them it's just how they react.

it's never towards anybody real either.

but also if I think about it and if the impossible were the happen and they were real (if i were in those realities as a "drawn" character too and they consented to do it) i feel like I'd actually try it out with them, as long as they don't do anything to me in return, so i really dont know what i am.

if i lose interest in the show, game, or whataver the character is from I notice that i lose interest in the sexual stuff as well, and I can't really feel anything towards the fanfics or art I used to like, but I'm not sure if that's just normal or not.

it feels like its with almost every single character i enjoy. with almost every character i end up liking I'm gonna wanna see them in sexual situations for some reason, and i usually never have a crush on them, when i get a crush on a character its rare that i like anything sexual, since my interest in that fades. i really can't tell what it is or if its attraction or not, it sounds confusing.

I'm so tired of yearning, there's no way I can be the character. it feels I was placed into the wrong universe and body and there's nothing I can do to make myself feel more like myself.

I'll have fun sometimes where I am right now and I'll like my body since I'm used to it, but there's always this uncomfortable feeling that I can't get rid of.

dressing like the character doesn't really help much either, because I'll never look like him, or act like him.

I originally just assumed I was fictionkin of him, but now something doesn't feel right. I thought he was the closest to whatever i am because his form wasn't humanoid in any way, not even in a shape of an animal, and isn't quite physical, and is kinda confusing in a way as well as many other things and i felt like that fit me, but i realized he has an "eye" and there's some other things that don't seem right so I'm not sure anymore.

I did kinda like the whole "pretending to be human" thing as well, but idk if its just because I'm in a human body and I simply just relate to it.

i feel like i belong in a forest in the mountains like he was, but i don't identify as any animal or living being and I relate to so many things about him and It felt perfect, but something just doesn't seem quite right.

I'm so sure I'm something similar to his monster form in some ways, but I can't find anything similar, it's definitely not something like an animal or something humanoid.

I feel nonhuman but I always get confused. if anyone knows anything with a similar vibe especially related to forests please let me know.