r/aegosexuals

I am aegosexual and probably also aegoromantic and I had a question about shipping.

I love shipping characters together that in canon are not together and probably also never will be (but get together or are together in fiction). On the off-chances of one of my ships becoming canon or semi-canon, I lose interest very quickly in the ship and move on. Already established relationships do not do much for me, I still ship it, but very casually with not much interest in it.

I'm only really asking because I think I saw someone describe this as being aegosexual and lithosexual, but I'm not sure. It could also just be that I just love the tension in non-canon ships and all the possibilities that brings with it.

I also never had a crush be reciprocated, so I can't really tell from real life experience if I can be aegosexual/aegoromantic and lithosexual at the same time.

I don’t know if you can relate, but when I play Dungeons & Dragons or other TTRPGs, I never see the character as “me.” Even with second‑person adult games (surely that’s a person called “You”!), I tend to treat them more like some kind of pet. That’s why I end up over‑writing their backstories. I’m convinced this isn’t that niche!

It reminds me of a time I was doing some slightly erotic roleplay with someone. Then they showed interest in me personally, and I got so scared that I floated away on all fours.

Romantic reels in 1st person pov feel uncomfortable af. OF couples feel tricky for me, sometimes it's fine, other times I feel like i should give them space. But anything where the model talks to the watcher, or anything close to something I could live irl has me noping tf out of there.

I'm not having a date, an so, a company. I can't fathom a relationship or anything close to that in reality, and deny any person has an interest unless they are painfully clear. I've enjoyed watching some OF creators in social media, but 1st person pov feels kinda wrong

Edit:typos

Or whatever your version of that is? Be it regret, guilt, shame, confusion etc.

To me, realizing aegosexuality substantially improved my relationship with my own erotic mind, my fantasies, and my body during self-pleasure. Things finally made sense, it seemed. My version of post-nut clarity used to be a sense of confusion and self-doubt like:

“Why do I get off to stuff that either can’t happen or I don’t want to happen?“

&

“Do I avoid imagining myself in the scenario coz I hate myself?”

Overall it always felt like I was one step behind everyone in that I didn’t even know what exactly I wanted, standing in place while everyone else ran after their desires untethered. Or rather, I knew what made me happy and what did/didn’t “activate” me, I just didn’t comprehend it as a unique orientation. I thought all roads had to lead to sex of some sort, unless you were asexual (which I had a very narrow understanding of at the time).

Now I hear some allosexuals (mostly men, I’m a man) talk about masturbation, like it’s alcohol or something, talking about how they feel nothing anymore, or it’s out of sheer boredom/need for distraction, or they feel guilty and disgusted with themselves, turning instead to NoFap and the like. I find it difficult to comprehend anymore. For me, it’s such a wonderful part of being human, that is in full sync with my mind and my life. I believe in a way being aegosexual has given me the opportunity to enjoy my own body & mind to the full extent.

No more post-nut clarity, just body-mind pleasure, waves of bliss, & aftercare.

Did you have similar confusions and holdups before realizing your own sexual framework (with or without the label)?

Hi, a brief introduction about myself, I am a 21-year-old trans guy, married to a guy, and we have a baby.

What am I doing here?

It happens that lately, in personal conversations I've had with my husband, as a consequence of a fight. I have noticed a certain pattern that happens to me when I have sex.

I have libido, sexual excitement, I see my husband and he is attractive to me, I have sexual fantasies with my husband, dirty dreams about him, I masturbate thinking about him or with his nudes. But when I have him in front of me without clothes, starting the foreplay, I like it; his caresses, kisses, and so on. But when we move on to sex, specifically penetration, a part of me shuts down, all that desire and libido, excitement, etc. It goes away, many times I just go along with it because I'm already in the situation, I don't want to stop my husband and not let him finish. While that happens, to avoid ruining the mood, I dissociate and try to focus more on the physical sensation, imagining myself outside my body, watching the situation as if I were a third party, so I don't pay too much attention to that voice that says, "I'm not really into this anymore, let's move on to something else."

Because really, when we are in the act, it is more satisfying for me to imagine that I am the camera recording a homemade xxx video than to be the actors.

Remembering, this has always been the case since the beginning of my sexual life. I find it more satisfying to imagine, to see, sex, than to be part of sex.

Talking with my husband, he says to me, "Could it be that you are part of the asexual spectrum?"

But since I don't have a disgust, rejection, repulsion, or feeling of "no, I definitely won't do this," I don't consider myself part of the asexual spectrum. I can tolerate that feeling of "I'd rather do something else than stay here," I can be in the situation as long as I see my husband happy and sexually satisfied, beside applying the "mirror effect" which helps me feel a bit better about sex. It doesn't disgust me, nor do I reject it.

But if I had to choose between watching videos, photos, or audios of my partner in exciting/sexual/erotic situations. Or have sex.

I prefer to watch the video of my husband masturbating while I also masturbate. Than having sex with him.

Sometimes I even prefer to just masturbate while watching him exist, being sexy or just existing (as long as he's next to me, whispering dirty things, giving me caresses and kisses on the neck, I'm happy). And it's not because he's bad in bed, he's very good, he's made me finish many times, but it's more exciting to watch the video than to be part of the sexual act.

I need to know if this has a name.

Hi everyone, 27F here, and have really been making efforts to understand my sexual orientation. Prior to all of this questioning, I considered myself bisexual (though I’m not even certain on this).

I experience a very strong aesthetic attraction to women, but my fantasies can involve people of any gender. F/f, f/m, or m/m. For as long as I can remember, none of my sexual fantasies have EVER included me. It has always been porn, erotica, or fantasies I make up in my head but never me included.

When it comes to actual sex, I don’t really like it with men and with women I do like it, but I don’t get physically aroused? Looking at a man or woman’s body does nothing for me. I have sexual experience with both genders and for men it ranges from boring to downright unpleasant and for women it ranges from kind of nice to pretty good. But to orgasm or really enjoy myself, I have to think of fantasies or an erotica I read basically, I am never really getting much arousal from the actual acts I’m engaging in.

Another thing I’m uncertain about is that I do feel like I experience physical attraction to women but instead of in a “I want to have sex with them” way it’s more of “I want to imagine them having sex with someone else”. Which is so, SO confusing.

The reason I think this is possibly related to self-esteem issues is because as a kid growing up, I was bullied a lot and so never really saw myself as a sexual being that someone else could be attracted to. Even now, someone being sexually attracted to me is gratifying in an ego-boost sort of way, but it doesn’t really evoke erotic or sexual feelings within me. I experience a similar dilemma with romantic attraction but to a much lesser extent and I do have romantic feelings so I’m certain on that axis it’s because of my self-esteem.

When I hear other women talk about how they LOVE being desired by their partners, I just don’t really understand it. That has never made me feel sexy or erotic or aroused. Similarly, my desire for others seems mostly rooted in fantasies of them with others and not me.

Also while I do get aroused from porn, erotica, fantasies, etc. I’m also able to engage in those things without being aroused, especially erotica. I read a ton everyday (mostly f/f) and only once in a while engage in it sexually. So yeah. Just wanted to give my experience and get some thoughts on it?

As I mentioned in the main section of this month’s master post, I’m looking to add another moderator, maybe two, to the sub.

I’m looking for help with
- sending “am I aegosexual” questions to master post
- Answering said questions
- Making sure questions get answered in a timely manner
- Removal of off topic/spam when I’m away/over night
- Someone else to bounce ideas off of for the sub
- preferably someone NOT in eastern standard time, but that’s a make or break thing

Reddit suggests a community this size has 5 moderators I think, but I’m going to try to add two at the moment, if possible. And it gave some suggestions, but I’ve been compiling a list of people i hope respond to this.

And if you don’t want to be included in that, I’ve also toyed with the idea of a “helpful user” flair as well.

So either respond here or message me

I (17F) am with my first ever boyfriend! We've been dating for 2 weeks now, but we haven't kissed or anything yet, we just cuddle and talk. I think I may want to kiss him. Does that make me not aegosexual?

Most definitions of aegosexuality describe it as having little to no sexual attraction to people, but still being turned on by erotic content and thoughts disconnected from the self.

Me personally, the best way I’ve found to describe what I experience, is I feel sexual arousal but not sexual attraction. If I find something hot, that is erotic fuel, but it’s not magnetism to that person/situation. And generally I prefer fantasies to remain fantasies, like that’s the ideal medium for them and self-pleasure is the ideal release.

I’m just curious what your version of that is. How do you experience attraction or lack thereof? What goes on in your mind when you see someone sexy vs imagine someone sexy? Do you perhaps feel like you do experience sexual attraction but still identify with aegosexuality?

Hey I'm 27F, I have always been single. I have been asked out and I had crushes in the past. The thing about crushes, I like people as long as they do not talk to me or give me any attention. I enjoy watching them from far away, seeing their interaction with other people etc. But when they start talking to me the image I have of them in my mind is shuttered and my admiration disappears. I realized that a long time ago and since then I have never interacted with anyone when I like them.

About aegosexualism I did a lot of researches to put myself in a certain group and a few years ago I discovered it, I realised I liked the content of sex since high school but when someone touches me or tries to talk dirty to me I feel disgusted. I like the idea of sex as long as I'm not part of it. After looking at the community and seeing everyone else's kinks. I can also confirm that I'm one of you as well in terms of kinks too lol.

I've always been satisfied with just me without having a partner but lately I am seeking someone that I can talk other than my friends. I want to have a platonic relationship with someone it seems. What I mean by platonic relationship is that we don't have to have any passion for each other as long as we can communicate and speak without disrespecting each other. Becoming that special someone for someone else.

It might seem like a friendship from first glance but I'm not looking for friends, I want to be special for someone same for them. I don't know if I could explain myself but I was curious if anybody here is experiencing or experienced similar feelings and how did it end for them? Or am I just crazy and looking for attention lol? Let me know...

So I’m a bit confused about my sexuality, and I’m not entirely certain if I am aegosexual or orchid sexual. Am I accepted here?

For me at least, 31F and feeling bad about my self image atm. I have pretty severe anxiety and have been medicated for the past few months, so I’m working on that aspect of my life. I’ve been told by a variety of people, not only family or friends, that I’m attractive. I try to take care of myself and question how someone can be attractive if they’re ALWAYS single. It’s always assumed that the average woman can find a man without batting an eye, not to mention the crazy amount of attention that beautiful women experience. I’m not saying I’m a 10 but I’d like to think that I should be able to attract a man that checks off most of my boxes. I’m very introverted & have to rely on dating apps, I get the attention but that doesn’t work out in my favor since I’m clearly still alone. I can maybe count on one hand the amount of times that an attractive guy subtly/indirectly showed interest in person…how’s that supposed to make me feel better?

Aside from anxiety, I do think that I tend to prefer my alone time and that may stem from being raised an only child for most of my life. There’s the hard truth of wanting to protect my peace, however I’m pretty content with having no friends. The last thing that I question the most is asexuality, however it’s hard to tell if it’s more due to the lack of finding the right person. All my life, I’ve been indifferent about sex and no desire to be sexually active. I know I’m attracted to men but have never been boy crazy, I had celeb crushes growing up though. I can acknowledge that a guy is attractive but don’t really experience sexual attraction, more like romantic attraction if I have feelings for him beforehand. I’m apathetic about relationships to an extent but feel conflicted when I see other attractive people in relationships on social media etc… make it make sense?! Being naturally a loner, anxious, independent, bordering avoidant attachment style and possibly asexual are all very likely valid reasons to justify being single…but they say there’s someone for everyone.

Please post your “am I aegosexual” questions here instead of creating a new thread.

Housekeeping: I’m going to be posting another thread soon asking if anyone wants to join the moderating team. If you’re interested, you can message me, otherwise you can wait. I’ve started compiling a list of members I’ll be tagging if I DONT get any responses.

About a year ago, with my boyfriend at the time, I had experienced arousal. But he pulled out a c*ndom and asked me if we could.. yk. I was already thinking about it and loved the thought of it, but when the idea was actually proposed I felt extremely revolted and felt like I was going to have a panic attack. Does this make me aegosexual, or am I just scared? I'm sorry I know that this is kinda TMI but I'm just really confused and wanted to see if there was a possibility I could be aegosexual 😅.