r/aegosexuals

I've identified with the term aegosexual for about a year or two now, but I've recently wondered if part of what I experience actually falls under the term or if there's a better term for what I experience?

Unlike what I see in most explanations, I do occasionally fantasise of being in the scenario. However, I can't ever pictured/imagine a specific relationship or person whatever that would be involved in that alongside me? It's just a vauge anonymous other figure. (I apologize if that makes no sense, I don't get it either </3) I also can't imagine ACTUALLY doing those things, like it's strictly a fantasy.

Does that still classify as aego? Or is it like- another thing?

Thanks y'all I'm struggling </3

Aegosexuality is:
like enjoying thinking about mangoes, with mango px as your phone's background, while being allergic to the real thing and not in love with the taste either.

I've been on this sub for a while, and I mostly identify with it, but there is one thing that kinda throws me off?

I've seen a lot of people here say that when they have fantasies about people they do get horny vs real life not. But I don't even get horny about the people in those fantasies, for me it's just the pleasure those people experience? But not in a "pleasuring you is pleasuring me" kind of way, but more like I mimic their arousal? Is that a thing? It's the only way I can really get off, by imagining feeling pleasure. That's why written porn gets me off so much, because it describes feeling arousal and pleasure very detailed. Is this a thing or did I fry my brain with too much porn?

I just had a conversation with friends (we're all women, straight as far as I'm aego) and one of them told us about a sexy guy she saw today at the swimming pool. She talked about his general appearance, his musculature, etc, nothing special - until she went on and said he had a nice bump in his pants. She and the other girls all reacted or commented stuff like it was part of his sexiness and I felt SO asexual at that moment 😅 Like... I have great fantasies, but private parts are just... Ugly and icky and kinda dumb to me. Even when I'm eyeing my partner (I'm demi too), that's not a part of his body that I desire or find attractive. Before discovering I was ace and specifically aego, I always assumed people talking about private parts in such terms were in the realm of crude jokes, you know ? Now I'm confused, does it really attract / arouse them ?

im feeling like shit atm. My bestie just got into a relationship and im happy for her but i always find it hard to adjust to the new dynamic. Whenever she starts dating someone, every damn time i will spend hours upon hours on dating apps, frantically trying to find a partner. Almost to prove im not a loner or something. Idk i just feel shitty because i want a qpr so i have that connection with someone and i wish i wasnt so bothered by my friends being in relationships.

Like tonight was a solar eclipse which i watched alone, then saw my bestie watching it with her new gf. It just makes me feel like i need to find my person

I hope some of you understand how im feeling. Its hard to put into words. Would love to chat to some fellow aegos

Hey guys I am 17 M and have always went with the Bisexual label as tho 90% of the time I'm sexually aroused by men, I am also very biromantic which is more even compared to sexuality. I have been thinking if I am Aegosexual or not. The thing is I get very sexually aroused by handsome men and I do masturbate and watch porn. Most of the porn I watch is mostly men masturbating and hardly ever sex. I hardly ever think about sex or desire about actually having sex and well sex kind of puts me off for some reason. It never really appealed to me. I now have a boyfriend and I actually do want to be intimate with him (next year cause we're long distance and will be going to same college and city next year) but I'm doubtful about it if I can actually satisfy him because of how I perceive sex? Idk if that's the right word but yes I do feel more connected to him and want to have sex with him compared to anyone else. I have had conversation about how I see sex and what kind of porn I watch with my gay friends including my boyfriend and they all seemed quite surprised. Would I be considered an Aegosexual?

So, I just found out very recently about my asexuality and even more recently that the specific label I relate to is aegosexual, I don't need to explain myself but I've always lived my sexuality through media, fictional characters, stories and so on, but there's an aspect of it that idk if anyone can relate to, because it is very physical without it getting explicitly sexual.

Basically me and my boyfriend have always been sharing our love for fiction, and ever since we were teens we liked interpreting said characters for fun even in real life. Growing up, these real life roleplays got an explicit turn of course, but in a very specific way. We don't actually have sex during these roleplays, our genitalia do not touch or get touched (that would be awful) and there's never orgasms involved, but we pretend to have sex as said characters emulating sexual intercourse. This is the only way I genuinely enjoy having to do with something related to sex. I can seem to be only interested in the idea of it if I live it through someone else's eyes, and I am in no way part of it, both physically and mentally, it's truly like detatching my whole persona. Thinking of myself in a sexual scenario is a complete turn off and if I didn't love my boyfriend very much and we hadn't found a satisfying deal to keep our relationship going, I wouldn't want to deal with it EVER in my life as myself.

Has anyone over here ever had similar experiences? Or is even the idea of directly non-sexually touching or kissing as another character too disturbing? (Maybe I've been doing it for so long that I seriously detatch myself in that pleasant way, almost as if I'm the director of my own smut fanfiction).

I’m an agender person 32 and I found out after talking to my friend that I maybe this. It fits. I don’t know what to do, but I feel happiest when other people find love or get intimate, I don’t believe in the sanctity of marriage, and I’ve come to realize when I went on a date the other day, that I was bored. Like the whole romance thing actually happening isn’t for me. Unless it’s me marrying myself. My friend told me about this and I honestly think it fits. I’m 32 and have been all over the place, and honestly I’ve come to plant my roots here and be okay with it. I hope thought I don’t have any now I can ask more questions in the future. But I feel this is where I belong. It makes sense. I’m 32 and just realizing it. I feel old.

Have any of you seen this movie yet? I am desperate to debrief with someone about it.

Camp Miasma captures perfectly, in my opinion, what erotic pleasure looks like for me as an asexual. First and foremost, Kris, the protagonist, experiences immense pleasure from non-sexual acts. Fried chicken and gummy candy are featured early on as sources of non-sexual pleasure, as is Kris’ obsession with the horror genre and specifically the camp-y slasher movie “Camp Miasma.” I couldn’t help but think of how the ace community has embraced garlic bread, cake, etc… as symbols because we derive pleasure from so many parts of life that allos take for granted.

I am so shocked that more people aren’t talking about this movie through an asexual lens because there were so many moments that echoed my own struggles and experiences. Kris struggles with self-hatred over her difficulties with partnered sex and feels shame that her “sexual” fantasies aren’t sexual in nature at all, but instead involve the desire to experience the thrill of running for her life as the final girl in a slasher movie.

She develops a romantic and sexual relationship with Billy, the star of the original “Camp Miasma” movie. They bond over their love of the film as well as their difficulties with sex (imo due to both experiencing compulsory sexuality that made them feel like they “had” to have sex “to be normal”— this has resulted in Billy becoming a recluse to resist further compulsory sexuality pressure after a sexually traumatic experience and Kris agreeing to a relationship structure she doesn’t want because she doesn’t feel like she could be “enough” for a partner due to her issues with sex). During these vulnerable conversations, Billy shares with Kris that she has figured out how to orgasm during partnered sex through disembodiment. She pictures herself as the final girl, killer, and audience of “Camp Miasma,” letting the fantasy play out like a movie with cuts to various POVs. The disembodied fantasy helps her become aroused enough to orgasm— it’s so aego coded (!), but I haven’t been able to find any articles or reviews interpreting it that way.

I felt so seen by Billy’s affirming and understanding response to Kris’ confession about their insecurities around sex and their unconventional fantasies. The movie even represents the question of “why” in an ace-affirming way— it acknowledges that sexual trauma, gender dysphoria, or internalized homophobia may have contributed to the lack of sexual attraction that the characters experience, but that is never expressed in a way that diminishes or invalidates their present experience of asexuality. It is also never presented as something to be fixed or changed. It just ~is~ and the conclusion is a self-accepting resolve to embrace who they are even if it doesn’t make sense to the allonormative world around them. They will experience joy and pleasure and eroticism in every and any form imaginable, whether it be through eating saucy fried chicken, buying every gummy candy product in existence, re-watching their special interest movie numerous times, immersing themselves in their art, or role playing their kinky slasher fantasies. All of these moments of pleasure are erotic but none of them cater to allosexual norms.

The film ends with the characters embracing the kinky sensuality/eroticism that works for them, whether it be through cuddling atop a bed of candy wrappers or soaked in blood after slasher role play. I left the theater thinking “this movie is horny in the most asexual way possible.” It captures perfectly what it feels like to enjoy sex as a concept, to even experience arousal and a desire to orgasm, but having that sexuality be “self-contained” (to quote the asexual manifesto) rather than tied to a specific sexual act or sexual attraction to a specific person.

Since I realized I was asexual, I’ve really struggled to accept myself. I’ve felt rejected and misunderstood in ways I’ll be healing from for a long time. This movie reminded me that being ace is cool as fuck because anything can be erotic when you aren’t limited by something as mundane as sexual attraction.

Anyway, I’d highly recommend this movie! It was excellent. I’d also love to hear if anyone else had similar thoughts/reactions to viewing the movie from an ace perspective.

30F and I’ve never had an irl relationship. I've only ever been in LDR. I'm an aego aroace because the thought of actually being intimate with someone irl makes me feel completely sick and disgusted. I think I only enjoyed LDRs because everything stayed in the imagination, without having to do it irl. Lately, I don't even want LDRs anymore and I now hate the thoughts of having an intimate feelings for someone irl. I'm perfectly happy gaming, watching anime, and reading novels and manhwa. I only ever feel romantic and sexual feelings towards fiction. Like handsome fictional characters and when reading 18+ manhwa/novel contents.

I used to wonder why everyone would date so young back in middle school, and whenever I did fantasize about sex, the fantasies were always unrealistic or EXTREMELY exaggerated. I also had a repulsion to genitals in real life as opposed to ones on fictional characters, eventually this got better as I myself has genitals too but I still couldn't handle the idea of doing it in real life/with the opposite gender when it came to sex. It was also other kids or seniors telling me I was too young to be asexual (for some reason they thought aegosexual was just the same thing as asexual and they'd get confused )

And when I'd explain it to them they'd pull out the good old, "You haven't done it yet so how do you know?"

It wasn't even just that. I also enjoyed reading alot of fanfiction back then and still do. Many of which contained erotic content that I felt comfortable visualizing but generally would only stick to ships with mlm or wlw media. (This was also my pan awakening lol)

I liked the idea of fictional characters because then I'd be completely removed from the situation. I admit I did have fantasies of people I liked romantically but like I said they were usually EXTREMELY exaggerated or unrealistic. And the thought of actually doing it with the perosn in real life always made me feel uncomfortable.

As a result I'd often dip before things could escalete towards a romantic relationship, not because I didn't want one. But because of the eventual dread of the deed that would come with it.

Also word to note although I generally describe myself as aegosexual, I also identify with multiple mircolabels such as lithosexual/orchidsexual or akoisexual!! (Not sure if multi labeling is generally accepted but along with aegosexual these are the other identities I've felt most connected too) :))

It sucks but I'm working on myself and discovering my sexuality. So this subreddit has been refreshing to see!

Curious on everyone else's experiences here!! :)

Picked the "coming out" flair because this is about that. I'm two months now into finding this microlabel and community and enjoying the improvements in my life that go with it. Also reflecting on how long a road it was to get here and why it had to take so long.

I'm 52. Not the oldest around here for sure but we olds probably are seeing the same thing - not only are there not many aegos to relate to but any older than their thirties are particularly rare.

Why? I can only speak my experience and anything else is speculation. I was raised in Southern California by a Marine drill sergeant turned cop, stepmom was a cop, dog was a cop. In the 70s and 80s that was a conservative atmosphere that felt liberal enough to make you think your limited world view was open mindedness and there was nothing more to achieve. Which was, of course, very wrong.

We played the common variation on tag called "smear the queer" and were quick to question the straight credentials of anyone not tough enough. But learned better along the years and eventually some of us became enlightened.

I thought I was. My first real exposure to sexually graphic material was when I found my mom's Penthouse collection. That created a lot of questions. Then my parents inadvertently steeped me in more confusion when they bought me the full set of Jean Auel's neanderthal/cro-magnon rape fantasy Clan Of The Cave Bear series, thinking it might be about dinosaurs.

I fumbled my way through a couple odd sexual encounters while finishing high school, joining the army for a short stint, and returning to the mid 90s So Cal coffee shop scene where I managed to lose my virginity to a married but unsatisfied friend who came at me passionately enough to not allow time for resistance. I thought I might finally be getting better after being "bad at sex" for long and that let me try a series of short relationships with women who were in one way or another unavailable or unsuitable for anything long term. A couple became long term for reasons even though my interest in sex waned pretty quickly after which we'd retreat to our corners and blame one another for the sex part of our relationship not working. Rinse and repeat.

I thought I knew about the different sexual identities out there. But in aego fashion I thought I might be one of those, then the fantasy of what that might look like faded and I'd go back to being "bad at being straight".

Aego wouldn't be defined on Tumblr until my 30s and for me Tumblr was basically "TL;DR Twitter" so I missed that scene. I met friends in pagan circles and new thought groups of varying identities and learned about some identities that way. But it was largely the 4 food groups - straight, gay, lesbian, and ace - and I didn't feel like any of those. Too horny to be ace and couldn't commit to any of the others. I had seen material on different microlabels but my experience of that was you were one of the main 4 and everything else seemed like "I think that's just made up" or "this is just some way of trying to legitimize somebody's kink".

Old thinking. I still was in the mindset that kink meant deviation where now we know they're really legitimate variations and not embracing them personally just meant you weren't someone who enjoyed that, nothing more.

Long story short (too late) that's how you get through a half century and not find your identity. My speculation is that for other aegos my age raised in similar or even more adverse circumstances they could easily still be out there not knowing who they are and just being bad at trying to be something else. Glad I know who I am now and that gives me an assurance to really explore and understand more about sexualities of all kinds from a confident place, unafraid that exploring new ideas might threaten my sense of self.

I honestly don't know where I fit in. I know I'm not "normal" because family and close friends can't relate and a few have said "that's weird". Like, they can't wrap their heads around the concept of not wanting to have sex with anyone. I live in a very progressive city where there is a strong LGBTQ+ community - half of my rental complex is LGBTQ. I wouldn't really fall under the Q, because I know I'm straight. I don't feel accepted by the community here - some people I've known and talked with get annoyed with me thinking I might be part of this community.

I have no problem with watching or visualizing sex. I get aroused by it - but not in real life, like being around people who are kissing or having sex. Being around people kissing is just "ick". I hate being involved in sex - it's just been something that felt like I had to do/was expected to do in past relationships. It's just gross to me. I don't mind holding/cuddling with someone when we're mostly naked (I don't like exposed genitals. That turns me off. I don't like touching/being touched in genital areas.)

When it comes to attraction in life - I can find someone extremely cute, but not "hot" or "sexy". Someone could be extremely cute to me, but if I had the chance - I'd never want to have sex with them. It's just gross - smell, body fluid mixing - including kissing. I am straight though, because I've never had any attraction/interest in other males and I do watch straight porn with no interest in the men. I enjoy the human form and movements though - of any sex, but with something covering genitals. Like live performances - burlesque is neat because it's a performance/routine, but going to a strip club I have completely no interest in at all. In a relationship, if a partner tries to be "sexy" naked for me - if anything it turns me off.

I generally do not feel "romantic" attractions to people - but I do become attracted to people I've known for a long time (sometimes it takes years).

My last relationship was for 15 years, and we probably had sex less than 20 times - we were emotionally/mentally attached. We were rarely romantic with each other though. Romance was just kind of meh.

This is not trauma induced. I've always felt this way. I know I'm on a sex-repulsed spectrum of some sort. It seems like there are traits from both Asexuality and Aegosexuality.

If age makes any difference on perspective, I'm 50. What are your thoughts?

Freshly new to Asexuality, I had a lot of misconceptions about what it could mean for me specifically. I'd most likely categorize my sexuality as aroaceflux or possibly aegosexual. As I said, I'm very new to this.

I'm a 35 year old woman. I've never dated but l've had sex, I had a few encounters in my late teens and early 20s, but since then I've been celibate. I never thought I could be ace because I'm not sex repulsed & enjoy self gratification, porn, fanfiction etc.

I've only ever truly been attracted to celebrities and fictional characters. Rarely real people. The thought the idea of sex & dating are nice... but better in theory. Ive never pursued relationships and was told many times by a longtime friend that my standards were "too high."

I finally started actually researching more about asexuality the past few years and things started clicking into place, especially the past few months.

*The fact I have only ever enjoyed mm romance makes
SO much more sense now.*

I was told to try & connect here from r/asexuality and am open to any and all feedback and advice. Thank you for listening.

I (20f) recently realized that it isn’t “normal” to be completely repulsed by the idea of sex, head, etc. I’ve had some really bad sexual experiences and SA in my past so I figured that feeling would disappear when I finally dated a good guy. Unfortunately, I just broke up with the most wonderful man last week, partially because of my feelings on sex. I was attracted to him romantically and physically, but anything beyond a passionate makeout just did not interest me. I realized I could go my entire life a virgin and be fine. I talked to some friends, and they all told me they couldn’t imagine being a “forever virgin” which is when I realized that I was different. However, coming to this realization has been really hard for two reasons.

1, I can’t find a label that seems to fit me or anyone who feels the same way. I’m not at all aromantic and I don’t hate the idea of sex as a concept, I just don’t ever want to have it. Being label-less and not having a community has made this exponentially harder.

2, I worry that I will never be able to have romance or marriage as a straight woman. I know I live in a very conservative/Christian area so there are a lot more different people in the world than who is around me, but I don’t know a single straight man who would EVER marry a woman he couldn’t have regular sex with. It’s just really hard to know that I may not be able to get married or experience true love because of my sexual orientation.

Honestly, all I’m looking for here is maybe someone who relates or feels the same way. I don’t even know if I’m in the right forum for this but I didn’t know where else to go. Any advice would be appreciated as well. This has been a tough realization for me and I’d really just like to know I’m not alone.