r/aegosexuals

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so I’m an aegosexual lesbian and usually attributed comphet to me specifically being a lesbian. I had’t realized that some of my comphet was well in regards to me trying to fit in with allos essentially.

I ALWAYS have sexual fantasies in third person and they typically involve a fictional character/celebrity with an oc. They’re varying genders and I’ve noticed their genders literally never matters to me because I don’t feel sexual attraction to anyone lol! I grew up hearing how my best friend (bi and allo) had sex dreams and I just never had one in my life. She’s been so surprised every time I brought that up but as a little teen girl in those moments i REALLY wanted to have one because it felt like I was missing out. I ended up having a dream that involved a male celebrity that has been in aego fantasies and somehow gained part consciousness and thought “i can finally have a sex dream to tell my friend about it.” It’s super embarrassing but that’s genuinely where my mind went. I knew she’d be excited if that happened so I was like well let’s try to. I was excited because oh my gosh I’d finally get to have a sex dream and be like all my friends but i didn’t really go all the way through with it because it was really gross to me. I was slipping like in and out of consciousness and just wanted to stir up the most amount of drama possible and finally be able to say I had a sex dream. I basically forgot all about it post that but looking back I’m so disgusted and I’d definitely never try to do that again. I’ve finally let myself realize I don’t actually want to have sex and feel so much more like myself and so much happier. However I’m just so embarrassed and honestly feel so invalid for trying to do that. It sounds stupid but it feels like “well even though you knew it was a dream this is clearly not something aego so you clearly wanted it” i genuinely did not gaf who was involved in the dream, i wouldve tried something anyways because I wanted to be involved with my allo friends 🥹 it’s the same thing of like “oh my god the person was a man too which means you’re faking being a homoromantic.” or “you must actually want your fantasies to be real” which has NEVER been the case. Once again I have no sexual attraction and it DEFINITELY was not about the fact that it was a man or that guy specifically that made me want to instigate that more like I just wanted to have an experience everyone else I knew has. there was zero arousal and zero sexual attraction I just wanted to try to have a “sexual experience” without actually having to actually participate in one.

I still feel lowkey invalid though. Sounds dumb but I look back to my very unfortunate history with childhood trauma, the way I first learned about sex, and wanting to be more like my friends as “wow I can’t believe you spent all that time trying to be something you’re not” it makes me feel pretty guilty and like if I tried that hard how could I possibly be really asexual or a lesbian. 😭 Idk I just felt like I needed to rant or get some support from other aegos?? I feel constantly invalid in being a lesbian romantic wise because I’m asexual and don’t really care who’s in fantasies or smut or whatever and its all in third person. it may be stupid to feel guilty but I really do. I don’t have any sexual attraction and I’m positive I’m a lesbian but I still feel like I can’t believe I just shamelessly went along with that because I wanted to be feel like everyone else.