I really miss the simpler times 8 years ago when i thought working hard was all it took to become intelligent and good at something.
Learning that iq is substantially hereditary has been a double edged sword. On one hand, it made me more understanding of my deficits and i am less hard on myself when concepts don’t come easily. i also became a more empathetic person in general. If i happen to find someone who is struggling academically i no longer assume that they haven’t expended enough effort like i used to back when i was a child, i always consider the possibility that they need a different approach in explaining the concept and it’s ok if they never fully grasp it since it just might be an inherent limitation.
However, learning about the limits of my control has made me question the value of my effort in learning any skill before i’ve even given myself the chance to find out what i’m capable of. It has become an automatic reaction to the initial frustration that happens when trying to acquire a new skill. I really can’t help it it’s become a knee jerk reaction.
At least before, I had a belief that in-spite of being unrealistic, it still gave me something incredibly valuable: the freedom to try. I would struggle with something and think “I’m not good at this yet, but maybe I can become good at it if I work hard enough.”
“If even a single thing person out there managed to figure it out, then why wouldn’t i?” Hence, my frustration tolerance was a lot higher.
i have come to learn that people differ significantly in their innate abilities,that there is very little i can control, and that effort doesn’t guarantee equal outcomes. And somewhere along the way, that information seems to have transformed into a personal sentence.
Instead of thinking, I don’t know how far I can go, I find myself thinking, What if I’ve already reached my limit?
I honestly have no idea why i’m posting this, not even sure what i want to hear, maybe i just needed a place to vent.