u/milkywayview

I know it’s a frustrating time in the industry. But every month seems to frustrate me a little more.

I’m a US-based actress from a country whose language is rarely spoken by people that are not our nationality (unlike say, Spanish). I also speak English fluently, since I moved here when I was very young.

Getting TV auditions right now without being a former series regular has proven almost impossible, especially since I’m in a demographic often deemed oversaturated/ultra competitive, but the few times I manage to break through and get seen, it’s because of a special skill. Like for example, speaking this language.

An audition came through last year for a recurring guest. Casting breakdown said: “MUST be a native speaker of X PLEASE. We are casting authentically”. The sides had full dialogue in our native language. I auditioned, and did damn well if I say so, and so did all my other friends of my nationality. We were curious who got the role, as if it was one of us, it would at least be an acquaintance of an acquaintance, and no one seemed to have booked the part. We assumed it was cut out.

The show comes out and yep, an American actress booked it. Who can’t speak the language. At all. Like it sounds absolutely awful. But she was #7 on the call sheet on a show 15-20 years ago (one whose audience is unlikely to cross over AT ALL with this new show’s audience). So as usual, the person with the most familiar face/biggest role on their resume gets the part.

I got some of my first big breaks through special skills, in an industry that increasingly seems allergic to giving even audition opportunities to new talent over age 21. And it’s not the first time this has happened recently.

What exactly are we supposed to do to get a real shot at this point? Because it seems like whoever has the least bit of recognizability or the biggest role in their past is just automatically gonna get these parts now, regardless of talent, work, skill, suitability for the role, or the ability to….you know, actually DO what the role requires. How are you, in 2026, getting actual shots at projects without having massive resumes or being able to produce your own movie?

So I (35F) have been friends with Jenny (37F) for about 12 years now. Jenny is currently in a long term relationship and recently had two kids back to back.

She has been through a LOT of issues with her family and boyfriend. I was always there for her. Because of all those issues, our friendship started to feel one sided for a while, but I excused it cause hey, she’s going through a lot. That happens sometimes. But now I’m concerned it’s just BECOME the default dynamic of our friendship.

In the past few months, she’s cancelled like ten plans we had. Ones that SHE mostly proposed. And half of those involved me going over to her house, so no real effort on her part. Now that she’s good with her bf and parents, who had disowned her at some point, they get 1000% of her priority. And I get it, OK, that’s your partner and your family. But you have time to eat with your parents who wouldn’t speak to you until 2-3 years ago like four times a week and can’t follow up on a plan with me once? I’m not asking for daily hangs. Just an occasional check in of how I am or just following up on plans you made.

I finally saw her last week at a home party she arranged, and her and her bf kept jokingly saying I disappeared or was too busy for them now, which I (lightheartedly still) pointed out wasn’t really the case as they had cancelled the plans. The convo just moved on from there.

The only time she’s called me in the past two weeks is to ask my advice on something she’s doing that’s related to my field of work. And not a single question about how I am.

Then last week, she completely forgot my birthday. I’m bad at remembering birthdays too, but she never was. I wouldn’t have cared if it was just that, but on top of everything else it’s kinda showing me that she’s gotten used to everything in our dynamic being about her and her drama. When she rarely DOES hear anything I say about my life, she immediately gets really pushy about what I should do and how I should do it differently before I’ve even finished speaking in a condescending “I know better” way. I feel like one of her kids. Not on purpose or with ill intent, but she has this trait of trying to “manage” people that’s gotten worse with time and apparently, motherhood.

The thing is through all of this, she keeps saying we need to hang and she misses me and keeps making plans but then is at best super flaky (I had to cancel one hang cause she kept pushing it back, eventually making it four hours after we had said, and I just couldn’t do it then), and her and her bf acting like I’M the one who’s forgotten them, plus missing the bday, was a bit of a cherry on top.

Now I know most people would say “why would you even care to continue this friendship” but this is someone I’ve been close to for so many years, and I want to give the friendship a chance. She’s also said that since becoming a mother, she’s become much more scatterbrained and can’t remember anything (like plans or bdays). I get that to an extent, but I have a lot of friends who are moms and it’s never been like this. And she has a LOT more help than most. Like live in au pair and three family members in her neighborhood who come by or take the kids literally whenever.

Is this just a new mom phase? Is there a conversation I can have with her or a way I can express what I need from her without making it seem like I’m not understanding her being a mom? Is the dynamic too doomed at this point? Would love input.