u/missylilangel

Two days after my original post. I opened our door yesterday afternoon to find my boyfriend's mother standing on the other side of it. No call first, no text, while he was at work with no idea she was coming. She didn't ask to come in. Calm at first, she told me I had humiliated her in front of people who've known her thirty years, that I had no right to put her business online, and that some women just aren't built to be anyone's wife, I should stop pretending I'm the exception. When I didn't flinch she kept going, said I was playing house in an apartment her son pays half of like I'd earned any of it, that careers like mine don't leave room for a family, and that she'd rather watch him be alone than watch him build a life with someone who'd leave the second something better came along.

And then, mid-sentence, she just stopped. Her face did something I have never seen it do in three years. Quieter, she said I didn't understand, that he is all she has, that her own mother said the exact same things about her own husband and she spent forty years proving her wrong, and now her son was choosing someone who'd already decided he wasn't worth building a future around. I told her I never said anything like that, that I'd only asked for honesty. She left before I could say much else. Whichever version of her was real, the one accusing me or the one nearly crying on my doorstep, I don't think either was a lie. I think it's the same fear wearing two different faces.

He came home to me on the kitchen floor and a mother who wouldn't pick up his calls. I told him everything, including the parts that weren't really about me at all. For the first time since this started, he didn't try to explain her. He just sat down next to me and said okay. I still don't know if what cracked on that doorstep was thirty years of guilt finally catching up to her, or just someone who got caught and panicked. AITH for not knowing which one I'm supposed to forgive?

I (F27). my boyfriend (29M). together almost three years, living together for eight months. okay so. i genuinely loved his mother. like genuinely. from the very beginning she was warm and sweet and remembered little things about me. my coffee order. my favorite flowers. she'd text me happy birthday before my boyfriend even woke up. i used to tell my friends i hit the mother in law jackpot. i bragged about this woman. i want to go back in time and shake myself.

three weeks ago his cousin messaged me asking if we could talk privately. we'd gotten close over the past year so i didn't think much of it. and then she told me. his mother has been telling the entire extended family aunts, uncles, cousins, family friends, EVERYONE that i am not good enough for her son. that i am too career focused to ever be a proper partner. that i come from the wrong background. that she gives our relationship a year maybe two before i show my true colors and leave him.

she has apparently been saying this since before we even moved in together. the same woman who cried happy tears when we announced we were moving in together. the same woman who helped me pick out curtains for our living room. i didn't say anything to my boyfriend for almost a week. i just walked around our apartment looking at everything we built together and feeling like the floor was slowly disappearing beneath me. i needed to be sure i wasn't overreacting. i needed to be sure this was real.

when i finally told him he went completely silent. and then he said he'd heard things here and there over the years but assumed it was just his mom being protective and that it didn't really mean anything because he knew how she felt in his heart. i think that response actually hurt more than finding out what she'd been saying. he knew. not everything maybe but he knew something. and he said nothing. for years. i told him i wasn't asking him to stop seeing her. i wasn't asking him to cut her off or cause a family war. i was asking for one thing that she not come to our home until she could be honest with me the way she has been honest with everyone else. our home. the one i also pay rent for. the one i also live in. he told me i was being extreme and putting him in an impossible position. his mother has been calling him every day since. she is apparently devastated. mutual family members have started texting me saying i am being cold and punishing her for gossip. my boyfriend has been distant and weird in a way that honestly scares me more than any of this.

and i just keep thinking i defended this woman to my own mother who had reservations about her from the beginning. i defended her to my friends who thought she was too involved. i chose her over and over again in every conversation people were having about her and she was sitting at family dinners talking about how i wasn't good enough for her son. i don't even know what i'm asking at this point. i just needed somewhere to put this.AITH?

I (35F) have been divorced from my ex, "Mark" (37M), for almost eight years. We have a 12-year-old daughter together, Ava. Our marriage ended because he had an affair while I was pregnant. It was ugly, and after the divorce I made a conscious decision to keep our communication strictly about co-parenting.

To give credit where it's due, Mark has always been a devoted father. We split custody 50/50, and despite everything that happened between us, I've never questioned how much he loves our daughter. For the past three years he's been dating "Rachel." They recently had a baby together and moved into a larger home. I've met Rachel a handful of times at pickups and school events. We're not friends, but we've always been polite.

A few weeks ago Ava started acting strangely. She began asking me questions that came completely out of nowhere, like whether kids could be replaced when their parents started new families, or if I'd ever move away and leave her behind. At first I thought it was normal pre-teen anxiety, but the questions kept coming.

One night she broke down crying and told me something that honestly made my stomach drop. According to her, Rachel had been talking about the new house and mentioned that Ava wouldn't have her own bedroom there anymore because she was only there half the time. Apparently she'd be sleeping in a guest room when she visited. I was shocked. I tried not to react because I didn't want to put ideas in her head. I told her there was probably some misunderstanding and asked if she'd spoken to her dad about it. She immediately got quiet and said she didn't want to because she didn't want him to be mad.

That answer bothered me more than anything.

Ava has a therapist because both Mark and I grew up in messy divorced households, and we agreed years ago that having a neutral adult to talk to would be healthy. After her next appointment she was still upset, and she brought it up again.

Then I called Mark and explained what Ava had told me. I wasn't accusatory. I literally said, I don't know if wires got crossed somewhere, but she's really upset and I think you should talk to her. He sounded confused and promised he'd handle it. And apparently he handled it.

Because two days later I got an absolutely unhinged text message from Rachel.She accused me of spying on their family, manipulating Ava, trying to sabotage their relationship, and being jealous that they'd started a new family together. She also said I needed to stop "using my daughter as a weapon. I didn't respond. I just screenshotted everything and sent it to Mark because frankly, if someone spoke about my child that way, I'd want to know.

Things apparently exploded after that. Mark confronted Rachel, found out she really had told Ava she'd be using a guest room, and they ended up having a huge argument. From what I've heard through mutual friends, Rachel feels humiliated and blames me for causing problems in their relationship. Now some people are saying I should have stayed out of it and let them work out their own household issues. But from my perspective, my daughter was crying because she felt like she was being pushed out of her father's new family. I wasn't trying to start drama. I was trying to protect my kid. AITH?

My older sibling (20M) used to be my sister, and I (17F) am really struggling with the change even though it’s been about a year since he came out as trans. I try to be respectfu I use his name and pronouns, I don’t argue with him about it, and I genuinely do support him but emotionally I feel like I’ve lost my sister and I don’t know how to deal with it. Before he transitioned we were really close in a very sister kind of way; we used to stay up late talking about everything, borrow each other’s clothes, do makeup together, paint nails, skincare nights, and go out just the two of us, and it felt like this easy, comforting bond I took for granted. Now that’s all gone he doesn’t want to do any of those things anymore, he avoids anything girly, and even when I try to suggest something lighthearted like doing makeup together he shuts it down, which makes me feel like that whole part of our relationship just disappeared overnight. On top of that, it’s awkward at school when people ask about my family and I have to explain I used to have an older sister but now have an older brother, and I never know how to say it without it sounding weird. I feel guilty even admitting it, but sometimes I catch myself wishing he had never transitioned just so I could still have my sister and not feel like I lost that relationship, even though I would never say that to him because I know it would hurt him and I don’t want to invalidate who he is. I’m stuck between trying to support him and quietly grieving the bond we used to have, and I don’t know if that makes me an AITH.