Struggling with faith, health, and life pressure. Feeling too ashamed to ask Allah for help
Assalam alaykum everyone,
I'm going through an incredibly heavy period of my life right now, and I wanted to share honestly and hear whatever advice or perspective you might have.
I've been diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety for two years, and I'm currently under treatment for both, as well as for chronic insomnia. On top of that, I live with chronic pain every day, which makes even basic things feel exhausting.
Despite all of this, I'm still expected to take care of everything and everyone in my family. I'm the eldest of 5 siblings, and that role comes with a weight that never really goes away, no matter how little I have left to give. There's barely any space left for me to actually rest or focus on my own recovery.
Because I haven't been able to work as much as before, I've fallen behind on payments rent, bills, and other things keep piling up, and it's become a constant source of stress layered on top of everything else I'm already carrying.
Religiously, I've drifted far from practicing. I keep committing sins that I'm ashamed of and that I can't seem to stop, no matter how much I want to. That shame has grown so heavy that I don't even feel like I have the right to ask Allah for forgiveness, or to turn to Him and ask for help with any of this. That feeling might be the heaviest part of everything I'm going through. Feeling too unworthy to even reach out to Him when I need Him the most.
On top of all that, I've been isolating myself more and more from people around me, and I find myself constantly ruminating, stuck in dark, heavy thoughts that I can't seem to switch off, even when I try.
I'm not entirely sure what I'm looking for by posting this. Maybe just some perspective, some words of comfort, or advice from anyone who has been through something similar. Thank you for reading this far. 🤍