What specialist should I contact first?
Guys, gals and nonbinaries out there, I need to vent (and ask you for advice).
In short, I (25f) had spent a couple of years in therapy, and the therapist told me that I have a borderline personality type, which made me rethink my whole life. After we had worked through my anger issues (I wasn’t able to get angry with people at all), I was quick to ditch my therapy.
A couple of years later I went abroad and understood that I have severe problems with communication. I idealised people and devalued them as fast as possible, lost all the connections with few friends I had had at home and made multiple mistakes I am now not happy about.
Sometimes I felt like it was all too much and wanted to return, now when I am back I have nobody to turn to and am idealising my past.
The biggest problems now are that: a) I have no friends and b) my partner has to bear with me when I experience temper tantrums.
And guess what? I went to a psychiatrist once but she was so horrible to me that I decided to never deal with them again.
When I am not having a tantrum, I function very much like a typical human being. I typically ignore the emptiness inside and keep myself busy until everything gets back to normal.
It also concerns me that I have never been diagnosed and don’t know what specialists could do that in the first place.
So, what the heck is going on? Where should I start from?