how the hell do you relax?
obviously not being high/drunk/etc all the time has expanded my emotional range - it's a brighter, more vivid, emotionally connected existence. joy comes back, solid and enduring joy; the capacity to actually feel and process feelings and work with myself instead of being constantly escaping. im sharper, too, slowly i feel like i'm relearning the cognitive capacity i had before things went wrong. but: ive really been struggling with the idea that i have no idea how to relax/rest. i feel like i can't sleep, can't slow down. all of my wind down and peaceful rituals are tied to substance use. the drowsy happy floatiness that actually allows me to quiet down for once and just... sink. sedation, essentially. meditation doesn't help right now, i just feel stupid doing it and end up more anxious than before. ive considering i should maybe try to tire myself out with sports or something, but it doesn't feel like it'll be the same, because ultimately what i'm hoping for really is that feeling of sedation and loss of control. i feel very embarrassed about this, but i thought i'd ask for whatever insights anyone might have. i'm an intense person. i have no idea how to switch off, not like i did while using substances as a crutch. and i don't wanna depend on that forever, because i couldn't do that and still build the life i wanna live. so. any tips, stories, whatever? thank you, hope this isn't off-base for this sub