u/mostlymaudlin

UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH i confessed my feelings and they said they don't feel the same way.

honestly, i was limerent for quite some time but what drove me over the edge was them saying he likes someone else in the same office, and me making some ridiculous comments about their choices (definitely in bad faith and out of sheer jealousy), something like "damn, why are your choices just non-smart women".

i know it was wrong of me to say, but i was drunk and myself and my friend were just saying this seemingly in jest but i knew that it had stemmed from insane jealousy. i apologised immediately the next day and today i confessed my feelings saying that my behaviour was due to envy because I'm in love with them.

they said they don't feel the same way at all, but they're upset at my behaviour but will nevertheless try to act normally.

The real fucking kicker is that now i hate them. Actually hate them. I don't want anything to do with them. They have gotten drunk and said so many hurtful things repeatedly and again and again and again and i have gulped it all down because I liked them that much. But i make some ridiculous joke about some fucking random in their life and i get the silent treatment? I have really gone above and beyond for them and they gave me no grace.

Let them be distant. I really don't care. They are the type to use my friendship (because we were best friends and saw each other on the daily) and then drop me like a hot fucking potato when they are interested in someone new.

Also, i now clearly see the loserness of my LO. They fucking suck, guys!!!!!!!

(a LOT of this is copium and i am trying my very best to not burst into tears)

This is so incoherent and stupid but I feel:

- a bit free and light for sure,

- certain that i had misinterpreted every single thing they did (call me every weekend to see what I am doing, invite me to their house, sleep on the same goddamn bed, cuddle, etc.);

- DEMOLISHED because we made so many plans together but i know that they weren't serious about any of it. I am just a fucking stopgap.

anyway, fuck this. Fuck limerence.

Suggest some hobbies for someone who's 30, bad at everything and doesn't care about anything.

ETA: i just want to clarify that i think they suck because they did a lot of "romantic" things with me knowing full well (i) i liked them as i had also confessed in the past when they had casually asked me, and (ii) then acting like I am fucking stupid for making anything else of it LOL.

i am generally not a fan of "lead someone on" narratives because friendship shouldn't and doesn't lead people on. I know how to discern friendship from something more. And calling me for hours every weekend? Everyday? Even though we meet in office? Flirting with me? Saying me they missed me when I was on vacation????? SLEEPING ON THE SAME FUCKING BED?

Am I reading too much into it????????

feeling so hopeless and disgusted with myself. I hate them and i hate myself and this will never go away.

I am so worried that I am not gonna like anyone else for a long time because I am in love with a fool who doesn't like me like that.

The overwhelming "why not me" of it all is so heartbreaking and knife-twisting.

limerance sucks.

in my humble opinion, being limerent for a coworker sucks more.

in my humbler opinion, being limerent for a coworker you used to be friends with benefits with, and have caught insane feelings for (and even confessed to him), sucks the most and is the worst feeling in the world.

i can't take my space, and i am 100% sure my LO is breadcrumbing me continuously. i am sure he likes being liked by me, and i keep being forgiving of his behaviour thinking that at least he has been a good friend to me. But he really hasn't. If my friend confessed their feelings to me, i wouldn't continue to call them late at night, try to flirt with them, and what not, knowing that they're so burdened with their feelings for me. I would never do that to a friend.

IN ANY CASE THIS TOOK A TURN, I KNOW. Sorry, i just started the story, and ended up ranting and had to let it out.

But my original, title point is that we are friends, and we discuss our life and plans together, like purchasing our first cars, purchasing stuff for our houses from Ikea, sharing songs with each other, etc. etc., and now, anytime i think of a car or anytime I go to ikea, i think of him.

But I know he won't do that. For him, i am just a goddamn fucking placeholder till someone "his type" comes in his life and i get tossed aside. Or much worse, he hides that he's dating someone else and continues to call me late at night and talking constantly, knowing very well how I feel about him (btw this exact thing has happened in the past, by the exact same LO).

I just wish he attributed importance to our shared memories, plans, and feelings, just like i do. It's such a pleasant thought that someone is thinking of some inanimate fucking object like some song, the same way that i am. Although I know that's never gonna happen.

Oh well, happy monday I guess.