How to find the joy of solitude again?
6 months before my 40th birthday, I left a dead-end relationship, moved cities, started a new career and got a new cat (not necessarily in that order. The cat came first). I immediately threw myself into dating, but quickly realized I wasn’t ready, so I stopped to focus on personal healing and building new friendships and community.
Since then, I have made a couple new friends, took up new hobbies and passions, and become fitter—both in body and mind—than I have been in a long time. But even as I actively grow my community, I still find myself doing most things on my own. And, while I am very comfortable being on my own, lately the prospect of doing yet another thing on my own, whether it’s going to a movie or shopping for groceries or just taking a walk, has begun to feel oppressive and soul-crushing.
Don’t get me wrong—I have a pretty good (if hard-won) relationship with myself. And solitude has long been a sanctuary for me. But lately, I just can’t seem to take any solace or peace in it. I am worn down by having to do most everything by myself, day in and day out. How can I find the joy of solitude again? Is mid-life womanhood just inherently lonely?