Holiday talk
Just returned from holiday. I'm always so horny in the heat, so really struggle with the lack of sex. He is attentive when out, holding hands etc but im sure that's an display of ownership.
He finally mentioned sex (after Dutch courage) and that he knew he was lacking etc. I told him not to worry, that I will never initiate again as the rejection is too painful and damaging. I told him that I have finally come to the conclusion and accepted that he is not sexual (for me?). I didn't have the courage to ask to open the marriage (not sure if I actually want to).
The remaining part of the holiday was so relaxing, he felt no pressure to perform and I felt no rejection.
I will however try to take a toy with me in future (recommendations welcome). As a woman in my 50s, I have no desire to destroy our life that we have built. We gave a great relationship apart from the bedroom. He is thoughtful, caring and shows acts of love. He just isn't sexual.