Not sure what to do with my LGBTQIA+ bible study group
Hey, using a throwaway account just in case. So- I'm part of an LGBTQIA+ bible study group where I live, and it's been ongoing for a little over 18 months now. I've been around since the beginning, and it was perfectly fine at the start. We'd go out for breakfast-for-dinner, doughnuts, ice cream, drinks, etc., and study a chapter from the bible, discuss its context, meaning, and how we can apply it in our everyday lives, and so on.
Everyone has their own relationship with God and their sexuality. And the only real rule has been to let everyone have their own relationship. Again, at the start, it was fine. Some are celibate. Others are proud sluts. Everyone just went their own way with it. For some context, I am one of the "proud sluts" in the group.
Fast-forward to nowadays. Things are different. Instead of actually discussing verses and applying them to real life, it ultimately feels like every bible study boils down and comes back to the group leader and celibate members cycling through self-loathing, constantly questioning judgment, and announcing drastic life-changes. One member even goes so far as to introduce us to his new girlfriend, describing it as entering a new chapter of his homosexuality.
Yet this same person confesses to me in private after a drink or two that the idea of hooking up with a stranger in a bar bathroom sounds like "the most natural thing" to his human instinct, but wants to "learn how to be a straight top."
What bothers me the most about it all is that, like, most of the celibate gays have accepting families. They have parents who have said they don't care about their adult child being gay. They have friends and coworkers who don't care. Their entire lives are filled with people who are ready for them, openly, at all ends.
But come bible study week, the group almost always reaches a discussion point that is basically praying the gay away for the celibate members. In the end, no one asks the other non-celibate members or me to sign on to chastity. We're all left to find our own paths with God, and I let it happen...
Not to sound cruel or uncaring, but... I am just so over it at this point. The group feels suffocating and depressing now, all because 4 or 5 people can't be happy that they enjoy kissing other boys. And I can think of a lot of other things I'd rather do on a Saturday night rather than listen to them ask "are we part of the brokenness in the world?" for the 100th time.
I want to support them in what's best. But I also want to take care of myself. I don't really wanna continue going to the group study sessions anymore, but then I'm back to spiritual practice on my own.
What do?
EDIT. PART 1
So it was 1am when I first wrote. Hence the somewhat harshness. Filter off. lol. Asd far as the "proud slut" divide, I can see how that may have caused some curiosity and concern. And that's more on me. I was really annoyed/tried when I wrote this. But without getting into super specific detail, basically, the line is better described as between--
- Members who vow celibacy.
- People who have any sex at all, whether in a relationship or hookups.
- The two ace people and straight allies who show up just to support everyone and worship Jesus. (They are kind of off to the side for all this).
EDIT PART 2
Okay, so I'm going to respond to things primarily here. Many suggested I should just walk away, and that would be it. Truth be told, currently I have been going a lot less and have been able to play it off as being busy for various reasons (work, birthdays, big events, etc., which in most cases have been true).
I stick around b/c I do want fellowship and b/c the bible group hangs out from time to time in non-Bible-related things, such as game nights, and those are fun. That and in the end, no one has asked me to change anything about myself. I'm left to my own life, so I give the same respect to everyone else.
Still... It's frustrating when I have to listen to them ramble about their own doubts and emotional struggles and say things like "I love my gf so much, but I still really want to be with a man. I probably will only be able to have kids with my gf if I pop Viagra. I know I'm gay. God's calling is such a struggle, but I want to do it! I'm so lucky my gf accepts me as I am!" ... And then I'm expected to support him like everyone else, or be deemed going against our 1 rule if I dared to say "Bro just be gay."
Anyway, I'm skipping study this week because I'm already loathing the idea of going... And coincidentally, work called me in to cover for someone.