u/my_therapist_quit

It's less than 2 weeks until roster cut downs. With camp wrapping up and the first preseason game completed, what are your final 53 predictions?

Here is mine:

Offense(26)

QB(3): Patrick Mahomes, Justin Fields, Garrett Nussmeier

RB(3): Kenneth Walker, Brashard Smith, Emmitt Johnson

TE(3): Travis Kelce, Noah Gray, Jake Briningstool

WR(7): Rashee Rice, Xavier Worthy, Tyquan Thornton, Cyrus Allen, Jalen Royals, Andrew Armstrong, Nikko Remigio

LT(2): Josh Simmons, Esa Pole

LG(2): Kingsley Suamataia, Mike Caliendo

C(2): Creed Humphrey, Hunter Nourzad

RG(2): Trey Smith, Pete Nygra

RT(2): Jaylon Moore, Kahlil Benson

Defense(24)

DT(4): Chris Jones, Khyris Tonga, Peter Woods, Marcus Harris

DE(5): George Karlaftis, Ashton Gillotte, R Mason Thomas, FAU, Emmanuel Ogbah

LB(5): Nick Bolton, Drue Tranquill, Cooper McDonald, Jeffrey Bassa, Kam Arnold

CB(5): Mansoor Delane, Nohl Williams, L'Jarius Sneed, Kader Kohou, Jadon Canady

S(5): Alohi Gilman, Chamarri Conner, Jaden Hicks, Christian Roland-Wallace, Xavier Nwankpa

Special Teams(3):

LS(1): James Winchester

K(1): Harrison Butker

P(1): Matt Araiza

IR(1): Omarr Norman-Lott

​

Where: The patch of grass right under my mailbox near Oakview.

When: Yesterday evening around 8:30 p.m.

About You:

You were wearing a pastel pink tracksuit and massive chunky sunglasses. You were talking loudly on speakerphone, completely unbothered by the concept of public courtesy or basic hygiene.

About Your Dog:

A thick grey Pit Bull with a pink collar. She looked incredibly sweet, but apparently possesses the digestive tract of a cement mixer.

Our Connection:

I was on my front porch. You glanced at me and quickly looked away. I looked directly at you while watering my plants.

While you aggressively gossiped into your phone, your dog locked intense, unbroken eye contact with me. All while executing a flawless, high-volume crime on my grass.

The truly breathtaking part, you didn’t even pretend to look for a bag. You just watched her drop a bomb, tug on the leash and said "Let's go girlie pop,", and power walked away. The sheer shamelessness of it was almost impressive. Almost.

Why I’m Writing This:

Your girlie pop's massive parting gift is currently melting my lawn, and the neighborhood flies are throwing a festival by my mailbox.

Please come back and claim your property. Bring a trash bag, a shovel, and the decency you clearly left behind. I'll be waiting in the A/C.