u/mzflexi

edit: Grandma* for the title :)

My MIL provides childcare 1-3 times per week while I work part-time. (My husband and I both work from home(he works full-time.)) In addition to this, she constantly invites us to do things with her and her husband, or invites herself to come to things that we are doing.

We almost always politely turn her down because we feel that she gets to spend plenty of time with her grandson, and us, in our home every week.

MIL is a lovely person. I genuinely love her, even though she gets under my skin sometimes. I feel badly that I’m constantly declining her invites or having to reject her baits to join in on our plans, but I feel like my family and I never have the opportunity to do something special without her trying to be part of it.

I know some of you will suggest an info diet, but many times it’s not that simple. For example, there’s posters everywhere for our local county fair. She has separately suggested to me, then my husband, then me again, that maybe she could come up and come to the fair with us. None of us have confirmed. I think it should be pretty obvious we don’t want her to come, but clearly it’s not.

I guess I feel guilty because I feel like maybe I’m taking advantage of her to take care of my son while I’m working, but then she doesn’t get to come to the special things because I’ve had enough of her presence because she’s always here watching my son. A catch 22 I guess.

So, in cases like this, do I just invite her to the damn fair and embrace her as part of my fam, or do I deserve to have some things sacred with my nuclear family?

As for DH, he will diffuse situations as he sees they’re needed, but he’s busier with work than I am, so a lot of times I get out on the spot in 1:1 conversations with MIL and I feel too weird responding “yeah why don’t you talk with DH about it.”

So… yeah give it to me straight how do I hold a boundary in a way that feels natural and respectful to a relentlessly intrusive person that I love? Thanks for your ideas.