u/naaina

Does the code work on discounted products? Also, is each code valid for 24 hrs?

Tldr: how to get over an INTJ who I idealise

I am INFP-T and he is an INTJ-T with dismissive avoidant attachment style. This is first person who I wanted to spend my life with.

Initially it was great for 1.5 months, atleast that's what I thought, but turns out even though he was all in for me, he was facing issues which he wasn't voicing to me. Atleast not in clear Yes or No, as it was new, I expected clear yes or no communication, with time you understand each others reactions and the requirement for words sort of reduces. Under this assumption, I thought because he is the one chasing and wanting me to say yes, he is happy with me. I had asked for a pros and cons list about myself from him, this would've helped me work on myself in the areas where he felt we needed to fit better. Turns out after 1.5 months over a weekend, he had too much and ended things. Upon many pushes he gave me a letter with what all he felt were the issues b/w us, one of which was that I wasn't objective enough i.e I lost track of the main motive/object and rambled around it.

I was heart broken and tried to mend things, because I pursued a lot, we still kept on talking and it felt he was rethinking about it. We had 1-2 good moments as well, although after a few months, one day he again called it over, this time firmly shut it down.

I am hear broken, help me how to move on from someone I felt was perfect, the knowledge he had, the understanding and open mindset he has. I am in awe of his intelligence, way of looking at things in life, his smartness. He is a self made man who cares for his family a lot even though on the surface he is a dictator. I need to get over him, how do I stop idealising him. He doesn't miss me or has any empathy when he has hurt me, anytime when I brought up how he hurt me, I got a defensive stance about how I hurt him. Each time I did hurt him, i tried to understand what I did wrong, clarified my stance and then asked for steps to make it better, he on the other hand never takes any accountability and has maybe gaslight me that his misbehaviour is a reaction to my wrong actions.

I can go on about all the issues, ultimately I need to get over him and feel not so small, while I idealise him, I look at myself poorly compared to him, be is his intelligence, his quick decision making, his achievements in life.

This incident has broken ne so much that I can't articulate anything even in my professional life, I get overwhelmed even by the thought of him and he intimidates me. I want to feel better, but feel as if I am unable to breathe when around people, I want to run back and just be in my room and in my bed.