u/naraethlas

I am working on a visual novel. This is sort of the intro or prologue, and it's pretty unpolished since it's a first draft. Two points I'm specifically worried about:

• Since it's going to be a VN, I chose a second person narration. It's not a normal choice for a written work, but I'm hoping it feels more natural within the interactive narrative. Does it feel weird to read? Alternately, I'd go for first person, because I want it to be intimate.
• English is also not my native language, so there might be mistakes. I plan to work with an editor after I have something to show, so that is not much of a problem for me right now. But I'd still like to know how natural it feels.

In any case, all feedback is appreciated, even without the above.