Diagnosed at 21, is it over?
In early may i was hospitalized for a suicide attempt. Upon regaining consciousness I have been experiencing a worsening pain in my right foot that has lead to me being mostly bed bound / on crutches the past week or so. Ortho yesterday was very certain it was crps, pain management specialist today agreed. It’s speculated that the preceding incident that caused my CRPS had something to do with the attempt because I had no physical injury otherwise.
Luckily it was caught early on and I will (hopefully) have access to adequate treatment, I kinda feel like I was just given the death sentence. Obviously my mental health was pretty horrid before given the attempt and all, this has been the case as long as I can remember, but alongside debilitating nerve pain??? It’s almost funny how swamped I am in the health department. I just don’t know what to do. I’ll do the treatments and I’ll take my meds but what was already a miserable existence is now accompanied by debilitating pain + living with my mom. Cool cool. This is awesome. In the grand scheme of it all I am so young and this feels like a sawed off shotgun shell cascading through whatever i thought my life would look like going forward. People my age are in school, partying, planning futures and so was I a few weeks ago.
There cannot be a loving god who has allowed me to hold myself together for the sake of my loved ones all these years only to with one of the most painful neurological diseases known to the medical community. (or so I’ve read) And I have only been experiencing this condition for a short period of time. I have so much respect for all of you who have suffered decades. I have no intent to commit suicide, I am just wanting to vent because it feels as though my life is over. Feel free to ask clarifying questions i dont feel like reading this back I just want it to be thrown out into the ether and for all to be well. I dont want to be miserable anymore