WIP battle… purse
Tw for suicide mention
I made this purse myself and am not done yet, so if you’re wondering where the patches and shiny shit is, it’s not there yet. But beyond that, this purse is a deeper exploration of my gender and my relation to this subculture. I’m not punk anymore, but some elements of what was still stay behind. Namely the love for DIY, some of the music, trying my best to be left-leaning in a meaningful way, a love for the color black, and a love for patches. If you look at my profile you’ll see a vest covered in bands, can tabs, and messages made in anger. I’m very proud of that vest, but it’s not me anymore. I felt too self-conscious in the vest, and frankly it felt a bit masculine for my gender expression, to the point where a lot of the patches were covered by my long hair. That self-consciousness also says a lot as someone who doesn’t feel like she passes well enough as a transfemme person. I get funny looks a lot, and I thought the vest was part of it, I also thought my long hair was part of it. Really I tried not to care, but I think from those looks I realized that what didn’t bother me was the looks themselves, but that it didn’t feel like they were looking at /me/. I tried to be “punk” so hard. I listened to the music and said I liked it when really I think I just liked some of the stuff, namely post-punk or hardcore. I put the bands on my vest to represent who left an impression on me, but by copying the band logos onto a patch, it didn’t feel like I was expressing myself and rather I was just a billboard. There’s nothing wrong with that, but I think for me, by making this purse, I recognized that I want the patches I do make to be reflections of myself, or at least not just be copies of someone else’s band logo.
I’ve been in a really turbulent point in my life lately, and I said to my friends that I feel like a light switch, feeling every emotion so intensely and constantly jumping between suicidality and hope. Outside of the usual screamy loud music, I found hope in Jeff Buckley’s song “Eternal Life”. I know I said I don’t wanna be a billboard, but in that same realm I wanna make a patch dedicated to the lyric “there’s no time for hatred, only questions”. This lyric gives me hope that someone will see its words and change from hatred into curiosity. From this, I’m also gonna experiment with fonts and maybe imagery to surround this text, and I’ll place this patch on the top flap of the purse. It’s a small bag, so aside from this patch I’ll probably only add one or two other ones, but for those ones in mind I have a drawing dedicated to Hollow Knight: Silksong that I made and will turn into a stencil. It’s my own design, and I’m really proud of it. The image isn’t included but it depicts Hornet’s needle crossing Lace’s sword. Aside from that, I don’t know what other patch I’ll add, but I’m gonna work to make it my own design. Finally, I’m gonna cover the rims of the flap in folded can tabs to add a shiny look. Maybe I’ll also add some more small stuff to the strap, idk. Regardless, the point of this purse is that it feels like me in a way the vest didn’t. The point is also that by recognizing my inner punk as merely a phase, I didn’t abandon it completely and I still hold elements of it close to my heart. The point is that by exiting “punk” and finding other subcultures to identify with whether it be my queerness or merely the idea of “alternative”, I found more appreciation for what was, and I thank you all for helping me grow this way.
Also, fuck r/baddlejackets.
Tldr: I’m not punk anymore, but elements of it stayed with me and I thank you for inspiring me.