u/neontreefrog

I’m in my late 20s and have known since I was 11 that I liked girls and not guys. In short, I had a fucked up childhood so I repressed my desires and tried to avoid dealing with them for as long as possible. This persisted into young adulthood. I focused on school, work, hobbies, managing chronic pain and mental illness etc. and put dating on the back burner. I had one long-distance “relationship” but that was it.

I finally couldn’t take it anymore after a certain point and recently decided to start dating (minimal luck so far). I also decided to take the plunge and start coming out to a few people in my life.

I came out to someone (an older woman I’m friends with) whose reaction was to laugh in my face. She insisted that it’s normal to have crushes on other girls and want to make out with them. It’s even normal for straight women to think about other women while masturbating. It doesn’t mean that you would actually enjoy having sex with a woman or want to marry one. Also apparently it’s normal for women not to develop desire for men until their late 20s/30s (?).

This really threw me for a loop. I’m a full-grown adult but now I’m less sure of my sexuality than I was when I was a sixth grader who searched “girls kissing” on YouTube and wanted to marry her classmate.

Sometime later I started seeking out lesbians to talk to. I met a few older women who made fun of my ignorance and lack of experience and basically insinuated that I’m a confused straight girl with mommy issues. (My mother neglected me and we have never been close.)

That’s exactly what I was told growing up—lesbians are damaged women who “need the right man” etc. I always told myself that didn’t apply to me, but maybe I was wrong.

Now I can’t go on a date with a woman without thinking, “What the hell is wrong with me” the entire time. So dating has gotten harder. I had made a lot of progress and had just begun to heal from my shame, was on the way to coming out etc. and now I’m back to square one.

The only way to gain clarity on this is to get more experience IRL, but my diminished confidence is getting in the way. It’s a vicious cycle.

Yes I am looking into therapy.

Inspired by an earlier thread. My sexual experience is limited. I’ve never eaten a girl out before. I have sensory issues (autism) and OCD and my fear is that a) I won’t like it and b) because of this, I will make her feel unloved and undesired.

My mother used to call me “disgusting” (for being too “masculine”) so I know what that feels like. I would never want a woman to feel that way.

It feels like I’m rotten to the core and will harm anyone who gets close to me. And if this means I’m not truly attracted to women, then all the conversion therapy stuff is right. I’m just a confused “broken” person and my love for women is wrong and not what nature intended for me. I want to marry a woman so badly and it hurts.

I see a lot of people express wariness toward women who have little-to-no experience with women. I can’t tell if this is about bisexual women with straight pasts or if it includes women who have never been with men either.

I’m in my late 20s and have dated a number of women (kissed two, slept with three) but things have never worked out. I’ve never gone on a third date. I grew up in a cult and repressed my sexuality for around 15 years before I started dating in earnest so all of this is new to me. I have never dated men or had any interest in them at all.

I feel a lot of shame and embarrassment over my lack of experience and am keenly aware of the fact that most lesbians probably look down on me and won’t be interested.