"Co-Parent" threatening to drop the kids off on my doorstep for the Summer with only a weeks notice
Hi. I am the parent of two kids aged 9 and 13. I used to have 50/50 custody until I had to move to a different state for a job and now I get 60% of Summer, half of Winter break and other breaks throughout the year.
My relationship with my ex is very volatile and honestly 70% of why I moved was to get away from her after advice from family therapists, my personal therapist, my lawyer, mediators, my family and even members of her family. For a little context she has stalked and harassed my new wife.. the first year I was with my now wife she had access to an old Ipad I didn't know she had and had access to my camera roll due to that and saved a topless photo of my wife tanning that I took on my own phone and brought it up 5 months later in an attempt to blackmail us to give her full custody leaving my wife scarred and traumatized. This is just one of the many terrible things she has done to us forcing us to get far away from her. (yes charges were pressed)
That is irrelevant to this current situation I am simply providing context for the situation. I moved in Fall 2024. All of 2025 I took every single trip I could with my kids. My wife and I spent thousands flying them out here every time we could. Every single time there was conflict from the kids mom. Spring Break 2025 she refused to take them to the airport and let me have them unless I booked the trip 4 days early and took them out of school the week before so she could go out of town. Summer 2025 she didn't agree with the dates I booked because it was off by 2 extra days she wanted me to spend with them but I couldn't because I had a work trip so she pretended she wasn't going to bring them to the airport until the very hour before they had to go or else they'd miss their flights. Christmas 2025 she harassed me and my parents saying she wouldn't take the kids to the airport unless I gave her $50 in gas money. When my kids landed my 8 year old was crying telling me his mom tells him I will go to jail if I don't do what she says.
Every one of these incidents leaves my kids traumatized and the first few days of any trip we have with them are always spent healing. Seriously.. It's terrible to see.
Our decree says we are supposed to have Summer finalized by April 1st. I contacted her March 1st giving her all my plans and days and asking her to have her portion booked by April 1st (Summer travel is the one we split, last year she refused to pay so we asked her to cover both ways this Summer and set clear boundaries that if she didn't and if it wasn't booked by April 1st we wouldn't be able to take the kids this Summer) on March 9th she said she would cooperate and it all sounded good to her. I didn't hear anything else until May 18th.... when she told me she planned to drive the kids 24 hours straight to my house leaving the Saturday after they get out of school and arriving "bright and early" 6 am Sunday.. I told her no, absolutely not, neither me nor my wife can do it with a weeks notice.. It was supposed to be finalized almost 2 months ago for a reason. She is insisting she is taking them anyways, she also put 11 members of my family in a group chat to tell them she is taking the kids anyways and asking for help in forcing my hand to take them.
Obviously I want to take them. But there needs to be a time where I say no. I obviously feel terrible telling the kids I can't take them but I genuinely don't have any other option. I can't. For a multitude of reasons. And now my whole family is being harassed for it.
I know she can't force me to take parent time- but what do I do if she just drops them off on my door step? We won't even be in town on the day she's planning on dropping them off. She also refuses to acknowledge it's her responsibility to figure out their way home so she wants to drop them on my doorstep with no end in site.
There's been times where I have been on the way to the airport with them she is texting us on the OFW app telling us she is refusing to pick them up. I can't in good faith have them here and have no plan to get them home. We would love to have full custody but not like this.