u/newsbowser

You would think we all working together towards a common goal, but some teacher and staff have that peaked in high school need the drama energy.

Hate to say it but I see why the only other male educator on Campus is a virtual recluse, because leaving the confines of the classroom can be treacherous.

Next year I am adopting the same mindset and mantra I am many people in NY lived by also known as “not my problem”.

Pointing out obvious inefficiencies spotting problem areas in upcoming quarters and coming up with common sense solutions while commendable in white collar 9-5 jobs is seen as threatening the status quo in the education sector. I quit my insurance job and went back to school to become a teacher during COVID and got undergrad degree in teaching grades 1-5. Been working up the nerve to continue education and earn higher degrees and certifications. Now that I am used to the physical and mental demands of this job will be pursuing more vigorously

Student and or teacher/educator discounts comes with student/teacher/educator wages so economical recommendations preferred, but I can always do some door-dash,uber eats etc to make some more money to afford the gym costs.

Also might bring my partner who gets social anxiety so if there sketchy places I should avoid please let me know.

I don’t know if it is because I am a male para in a very female dominated industry but just casual conversation with coworkers is quick to be weaponized or labeled gossip.

It’s the end of the school year I was discussing with coworker how things are going to work out next school like I would discuss possible issues in next quarter projections in my old 9-5 office work and this somehow spun out into meetings with admin about gossiping. I am dumbstruck because I am talking about logical issues that we know are going to be present next school year talking it out with another para who will likely be moved into my classroom next year and just trying to mentally prepare for the next school year and next thing I know I am sitting in the hot seat with the Principal admin and other personnel like an inquisition or being called to testify in front of a congressional committee. All within one morning. What I thought was simple logic and strategic brainstorming turned into what felt like I was in a McCarthy hearing trying to justify a love poem written to the USSR.

Violated my own rule of thumb of not getting involved with coworkers beyond direct care for children with a colleague I friendly with and I paid the price.

What i consider normal office politics of my old 9-5 jobs seems to be treated as extreme hostility in education setting and the juxtaposition really threw me. Today was students last day and tomorrow is last day for employees and there is a luncheon planned at a restaurant and now I feel hesitant to even go.

It seems to me about separating races but dressed up in ** ** disingenuous language.

My job is to help with kids. I am not taking orders from a lead teacher, she can kindly request my assistance with something or ask for help completing task X but at $15hr I am not taking orders. You will treat me with respect and understand that this classroom does not function without me or you can spend your time miserable in the classroom because I do not respond to power trips from kids or staff.

I am calm and gentle with the kids until calm and gentle necessitates escalating into using authoritative firm but not yelling. This translates well across campus within and without sped. Got kids who some former sped some not sped who seek me out when they on verge of crashing out and need to be listened to and deescalated.

I have stopped listening or getting involved with unnecessary drama with adults and my stress levels have plummeted. I take my breaks and lunch EVERY day(on slow days and days that are hectic) just so I can get out of the classroom away from kids and adults and just sit and read maybe listen to music out in the sun. I started doing exercise even if it is just stretching or shooting hoops on the basketball court by myself.

I am by no means difficult to work with and my new lead plus staff around campus get along great.

My old lead who has been at the school a year longer than me still doesn’t know the name of cafeteria staff or anybody besides lead custodian. I made it a point to learn EVERYONE’s names and I greet them by name. This goes a long way with support staff. The cafeteria staff love me but can’t stand my old lead.

I was nominated and won paraprofessional of the year and my principal came out along with coworkers to congratulate and celebrate with me.

Know your rights, put boundaries up. This job is demanding enough as it is don’t let it consume you.

I moved to Louisiana after the flood of 2016 and number one question I asked was did the location we get suffer from the flood of 2016. Place we wound up with is close to work off of Florida and North Acadian.

I wasn’t here for that flood so I can’t compare the two, but is this how the 2016 flood started?

I started the school year in the k-2nd self-contained classroom and moved to current 3rd-5th grade self contained classroom after I got injured and had surgery. There is a student in the k-2nd self-contained who if given any task will scream relentlessly until he allowed to get out of the task. This is not a nonverbal student. He has zero issues talking and telling us what he wants to eat, do etc.

If you let him just play games on Chromebook or with toys letters etc he is perfectly calm, well behaved and mannered. But if you try to get him to do work it is straight to blood-curdling scream, and he won’t stop until you give in and let him out of tasks. It is infuriating because he is so smart. He helps other kids with their work on Chromebooks with ease.

3rd-5th grade lead was discussing the student and gushing about how well behaved he is when he is in our classroom. If he is in our room it is because k-2nd grade teacher had enough and 3rd-5th grade lead teacher will let him come into our room play with blocks Legos etc. I was blunt with 3rd-5th grade teacher and said “he behaves for you because you don’t give him any assignments or work to do” and “as long as he gets to do whatever he wants he doesn’t scream”. Went on to say “he only screams if he doesn’t get his way”. To which she responded “then he is going to get his way in my room I am not dealing with him screaming” she is nearing retirement and doesnt want to to anything more than the absolute bare minimum. Her words not mine. She is resentful that admin won’t let her be a resource teacher as that is a cushier less demanding position that she used to have but they moved her from.

She went on to say she spoke with teacher at his old school and that he didn’t do the screaming thing then and that according to his parents he doesn’t do it at home either. I said I guess at old school and at home they used other forms of discipline that we don’t use at this school. I asked if his performance on academic/state exams impacts her performance review and she said no.

I literally had to wear earplugs when dealing with this student in old room as his screaming was unbearable and would set off other students. I don’t want to deal with screaming again but I don’t think letting him goof off on his Chromebook all year is the answer. She basically saying she already given up on the kid before he ever even entered her classroom.

I am new para just made 1year and she is veteran near retirement teacher. Even with bump in pay I will still only be making $15hr so not much leverage for school to hold over me. NO students education should suffer just because lead teacher wants to take the lazy river her last 2-3 years until retirement.

I feel like growing up in self-contained special education classes gave me an education and perspective you just can’t get from college classes or training videos.

I eventually mainstreamed in middle school, mostly because middle school me realized there were no girls in the self-contained class and suddenly became VERY motivated to get out of there lol.

But now that I work as a sped para myself, I realize how much those experiences shaped the way I interact with students.

The single most impactful thing I remember wasn’t even academic.

I got my head smashed into a brick wall by another student at school and ended up being taken via ambulance to the hospital with a head laceration and severe concussion. One of the paras stayed there with me.

I still remember her trying to teach me Sudoku while we were waiting on MRI results. I also remember being kind of a little jerk about it because I hated numbers back then and I was concussed. I still hate numbers, but now I have diagnosis of dyscalculia which is the math version of dyslexia

I honestly can’t remember her name now, but that probably has more to do with the concussion and the several concussions after that than anything else.

Still stuck with me though.

Now being on the other side of it as the para instead of the student is kind of surreal sometimes. After a year as a self-contained special education para I am used to the physical and mental demands of the job and feel confident in continuing my education already got undergraduate degree just need to go higher and get more certifications, then I can be a self-container special education teacher. Things are coming along and almost full circle.

Anybody else here go from sped student to sped staff?

This was my first full year as a para and honestly this year was absolute insanity.

Started the year in a K-2 self-contained sped classroom with around a dozen kids, multiple elopers, screaming, behaviors, constant chaos, etc.

Ended the year in a 3rd-5th self-contained classroom with 4 older students after I broke bones in my foot and ankle chasing an eloper back on January 28th and ended up using crutches knee scooter and eventually a wheelchair.

Somehow in the middle of all of that I also got dragged into nonstop drama with my old lead teacher after I reported:

students weren’t getting their IEP minutes
paras weren’t getting lunches or breaks

We literally went over 100 days without breaks or lunches until the new compliance facilitator stepped in and forced things to start changing.

That definitely made me unpopular in that room.

At one point things got bad enough that I basically had to tell admin either the hostility stops or we can involve HR/EEOC and start pulling camera footage since all the sped rooms now have audio/video recording.

This wasn’t random either.

There had already been multiple meetings where I expressed concerns about retaliation. My old lead had already been talked to by admin and told her comments and behavior toward me were unproductive, unnecessary, inappropriate, and needed to stop. At one point she was flat out told to cease contact with me unless it was ABSOLUTELY necessary for work.

She didn’t.

After the final meeting the principal basically said she was tired of the “high school drama,” so after that I mostly stopped reporting the smaller stuff and just documented everything instead.

Other staff were still reporting incidents though, especially when she would raise her voice and or snarl at me in front of other people.

The final straw for me was when I took cellphone video of her berating and mocking me for “always sitting.”and “have a good day doing nothing”

I have literally been in a wheelchair recovering from breaking bones in my foot and leg chasing an eloper.

Apparently me being unable to walk around the classroom meant I “wasn’t doing anything” even though I was still actively working with students from the wheelchair.

The specific incident that finally pushed me to go back to admin was when she tried to dump 2 of her students that she didn’t want to take on a field trip on me while I was in the wheelchair and then got angry when I refused citing my medical restrictions being unable to physically chase elopers anymore. When I told her no that’s when she became verbally combative

My inability to help with elopers… was literally part of the reason I had been moved out of that room in the first place.

Meanwhile I’m over here barely 30 dealing with a nearly 60-year-old woman with a trying to start middle school drama with me because I reported violations.

The crazy part?

She originally nominated me for the award before all of this happened.

Well…

I ended up winning Classified Employee / Para of the Year.

My new lead, coworkers, and principal all showed up to support me.

Old lead didn’t even come to the district ceremony.

Honestly after the year I had, it does feel good being recognized district-wide.

Biggest thing I learned this year:

SET. BOUNDARIES. AND STICK TO THEM.

My life got way easier once I stopped trying to do 120% every day and remembered I’m there to assist the teacher, not run the entire classroom while somebody else sits behind a desk. If teacher is not doing anything then there is nothing for me to assist with. I am not going to kill myself doing lead teachers job of managing the classroom when they get paid 3 times what I make.

I also finally started taking my actual contract breaks and lunches instead of acting like I was supposed to martyr myself for the job. At first I would just go find a sunny spot and sit in silence, but now I do stretches and exercises on my 15 minute breaks. That daily exercise plus twice weekly physical therapy I’ve lost at-least 20lbs since I broke bones in January.

Another thing that genuinely helped me survive self-contained:

Loop earplugs.

Specifically the Loop Switch ones.

Before getting them I would come home so overstimulated from the constant screaming and noise that my wife said I was basically speaking in caveman grunts after work. She’s the one who actually bought them for me as a birthday present

I’d come home, barely talk, then immediately pass out take a nap .

Now I keep the earplugs in their case on my key fob when I do use them I keep them on the lighter setting for normal classroom chaos and switch them stronger for screamers/escalations.

Absolute game changer.

Anyway.

Still kinda wild to me that this school year somehow ended with me getting para of the year after all of that.

This was my first full year as a para and even with endless high school drama with my old lead where I eventually had to threaten to bring in the EEOC with or without admin to force admins hand to get involved and put her in place.
I still got a letter of recommendation and a classified employee/ paraprofessional of the year.

My new lead, colleagues and the school principal all came out to support me.

My old lead who originally nominated me before she became bitter for me reporting labor and IEP violations is absolutely furious I won. Didnt even come to district award ceremony/gala.

It is nice to be recognized not just at school but district wide.

Just realized I am now the veteran para but I've only been at this for a little over a year. Is this a GIANT red flag i’ve just been oblivious to this whole time? I am a man and a husband would not be the first time im complety oblivious to something that is obvious to everyone else.

Ever since all of my old lead’s attempts to make my life miserable came to an abrupt halt after I caught her on my cellphone mocking me for being in a wheelchair, things have been different.

This all started because I reported that the staff in her room were never getting breaks or lunches. Admin had already moved me out of her room and told her to leave me alone, and I let a lot of the petty things she said and did slide until she finally blew up on me because I was not going on a field trip, even though all the students in my new classroom were going, I still was not going to be watching her kids. I am in a wheelchair and still recovering from broken bones in my leg and foot that were a result of chasing an eloper in old lead’s class. My inability to help with the elopers was the stated reason I was moved out of her room.

Today I took my contractually guaranteed 15-minute breaks and 30-minute lunch. I ate in the teachers' lounge since I am not carrying heated food very far while in a wheelchair. I got to relax, read a book on my Kindle, and actually enjoy my lunch.

I also got my morning sunshine and exercise in, and even got to play with the kids in the gym, shooting hoops while still in my wheelchair, and I closed all my exercise and move goals.

My new lead started to snap at me to do paperwork that really should have been her responsibility, not mine the para, and just a look from me and a raised eyebrow got her to change her tune and fix her attitude. She is close with my old lead, so she knows the full extent of what my principal said to her and how the admin handled her egregious behavior. Once she fixed her attitude and spoke to me like a colleague not a subordinate obligated to tolerate bullshit I had no problem helping and doing paperwork and I did it.

It should not take me threatening to involve the EEOC for admin to step in and take decisive action, but alas, I live in the real world, not a utopia. Still, because I did, and because my old lead finally got put in her place and reminded that she is not the queen bee, it seems to have had a ripple effect across campus.

Other staff who had seen or heard my old lead be disrespectful to me with zero consequences were giving me not-so-discreet thumbs-ups and pats on the back. Others openly congratulated me for having the guts and the restraint to stick things out and handle it appropriately. Some staff literally told me they would have slapped her across the face if she had spoken to them the way she spoke to me. Others congratulated me for forcing the admin to take her down a peg because they had also complained about the disrespect, scorn, and derision she showed toward people she considered beneath her as a sped teacher of 10 years. Apparently, in her mind, that meant she could be an asshole with zero consequences.

It honestly feels like the queen bee mean girl has been completely dethroned, and the atmosphere across campus is lighter for it.

Admin is not upset with me either. I got letters of recommendation from them. My reporting the ongoing retaliation, along with video evidence, put them in a position where this was no longer admin miraculously finally waking up and deciding to come down on her. It was more that the situation was out of the school administration’s hands because I had video evidence of her interacting with me, which was already a direct violation of the prior admonishment to leave me alone.

Then there is the fact that the interaction itself involved her mocking me for being in a wheelchair “have a good day doing nothing” because I refused to accept responsibility for some of her kids that she did not want to deal with or take on the field trip. The field trip that I could not attend because no wheelchair transportation was provided meaning I could not go with my own students either, leaving me with no students.

At that point, it stopped being ordinary workplace drama and became disability harassment and retaliation, which means the principal can be held accountable for allowing the situation to happen and would have to be able to show higher authorities, including the EEOC, that the response to my complaint was adequate and appropriate.

I didn't do anything drastic. I just showed up every day and did my job, took care of my kids, and let old leads negativity and hostility boil until she could not hold it in and I caught the eruption on cellphone video. People could and did see that I give 110% for my kids. Hell, I worked with the broken bones in my leg and foot for over a month before I could get surgery.

So to all of you dealing with toxic ass people just keep showing up and taking care of your students. Don't engage with the toxicity. Let the toxic people poison themselves and eventually the toxicity will take care of itself. Don’t let their toxicity poison you and affect the way you take care of your students and yourself. Put boundaries up and stick to them. As long as you are doing your job and taking care of kids teachers can't really say or do anything. Nothing pisses them off more than knowing their toxicity is not getting to you. It eats them alive. Let them poison themselves.

Last week on Tuesday, my old lead K-2's self-contained sped room teacher tried to pawn two of her students off on me and I outright refused citing my medical restrictions, saying I am medically prohibited from taking care of your students. My refusal triggered old lead because she is not used to being told no and not used to me not being in her room under her supervision.

I broke bones in my leg and foot back in January chasing an eloper when I was in her room. After that I was moved to the grade 3-5 sped self-contained room, because I could not help chase elopers using crutches, a knee scooter, or a wheelchair.

Flash forward to last week and nothing has changed I am still recovering and require the use of a wheelchair. So when she tried to leave the worst eloper and another student with me because all of the kids in my new class going on the field trip and I was not because the school cannot or will not provide wheelchair transportation, she thought it would be perfect time to pawn two kids she didn’t want to deal with off on me even though I am in a wheelchair and can’t chase the eloper. I can’t leave another student alone in the classroom to pursue an eloper either.

So I flat out refused to play along with the old teacher and I cited my medical restrictions as the purported reason I was removed from her classroom. This was met with a verbal tirade about how I don’t do anything, I am always sitting down when she comes into our classroom and why am I even coming to school if I am going to refuse to do my job or tasks. Then to kick it off as she is storming off like a toddler because she was forced to take all of her students with her on the field trip she mocks me saying “have a nice day doing nothing” and I caught it on cellphone video.

So when the chance presented itself I approached the admin told them what happened and they agreed I was 100% within my right to refuse to do a task or any tasks that conflict with my medical restrictions. The teacher was off for 3 days and came back yesterday. The principal told me after she heard the recording that “we” were going to have a meeting as soon as the old lead is back on campus. The principal apologized to me on behalf of the old lead and said I never should have had to deal with that. Yesterday, the old lead had to come into my room because that’s where the compliance facilitator was and she would not make eye contact, nor did she say a single word to me. Today is the day of another field trip and she would not even step foot in my room.

I got a letter of recommendation from administrators for summer school and I got my end-of-year observation results. I got all proficient or highly proficient including in the category “Courtesy, tact, and diplomacy in communicating and working with others".

That recording of mine is a golden ticket now. The teacher was already admonished by the admin to leave me alone and then when I refused to go along with her citing my medical restrictions she became combative. Escalated hostilities into mocking me for being in a wheelchair and unable to attend the field trip. She just couldn’t stand the fact that me a para was telling her what I was going to do and what I was not going to do. In her eyes, paras are beneath teachers and that means they are not entitled to basic human decency. Well, we see where that attitude landed her. Word around campus is that a formal letter of reprimand is in her personnel file. She is lucky that’s all she got because if I decided to push things further I easily could have gotten and still can get the EEOC involved for harassment violations. I am sitting pretty with letters of recommendation and a commendation from district leadership for my handling of the situation whereas she I don’t think will even be coming back next year.