u/nth_loner

i miss it so bad . i wish i had support..
i miss it more than anything. i miss being loved .

hi people. i’m currently 15 years old and have been struggling with major depression for about a year and a half that has caused hallucinations and other things.

i feel like i am at the lowest point in my life right now. i feel so unlovable because my own parents couldn’t. i have been through so much and i understand the family i am with now try to distract me from it and buy me things but when im alone with my thoughts i just feel like i am worth nothing. suicide has crossed my mind since i was in maybe 4th due to the death of my grandpa but lately it’s gotten much worse.

i am supposed to take medication for psychosis but i haven’t taken any for about a month. i feel so alone like i don’t have anyone in my life and i can feel myself slowly shutting down. i haven’t talked or interacted with my family in a few days and i don’t want them to feel like it’s their fault.

i feel so alone. i feel crazy. what 15 year old is on 3 medications.? what 15 year old has been to the mental hospital 3 times ? i’ve spent my 14th and 15th birthday in there.

i don’t know what to do anymore. i have no friends, i feel like everyone is turning their back on me and i just want to disappear. idk what im gonna do when school starts next month.

it is me against depression and it’s winning. i hate everything about myself i am genuinely struggling. everyone has always given up on me and i can’t keep going. i just wanna disappear.

I FEEL SO ALONE.. idk what to do anymore i feel so dumb and alone . i fucking hate my life sm. fuck. idk.

why is this the only way i can feel loved .??? i’m so sad.

i hate that i cannot pick up when it’s happening. i’m not super smart so idk. i’m so sad . i feel so dumb. i just want to cry.
i feel so unloved !! i am so confused on who i am . idk.