My boyfriend is 43 and still asks his mum’s opinion on everything — am I overreacting?
I'm 36 and have been with my boyfriend for 8 months. He's 42.
He's genuinely one of the kindest, most caring men I've ever met and has so many wonderful qualities. The problem I'm struggling with is the relationship he has with his mum, and I'm increasingly unsure how to navigate it.
He's a mechanic and runs his own business, which was given to him by his brother when his brother retired. His mum used to do the occasional bit of paperwork for the business, but she's now retired too. The is based on a small holding and they all lived in once house. However-
My boyfriend only stopped living with his mum when he was 40.
The thing I'm finding difficult is that he seems to pass everything by her. I mean genuinely everything, like what he's eaten, what he's doing, decisions about his house, what furniture he has, how the cat went to the loo etc. It feels as though she still has a huge amount of influence over his day-to-day life.
I've always been nothing but nice to her. I've never given her any reason to dislike me, and as far as I know she has been perfectly pleasant towards me.
However, recently she came round for supper and, in front of me, started telling my boyfriend about the importance of having a prenup and that "you must have one."
This really upset me. We're not currently engaged or married, but hearing his mum tell him this in front of me felt quite pointed, particularly given that I've never done anything to suggest I would be financially irresponsible or try to take advantage of him.
He's also never had another serious relationship before me, so I think she has been used to being the most important woman in his life and having a very large say in his decisions.
I don't want to compete with his mum, and I don't want to come between them. I actually think it's lovely that they're close. But I'm struggling with what feels like a lack of independence on his part.
For those of you over 30 who have experienced something similar….how do you deal with a partner whose mother has this much influence over his life?
Am I being unreasonable, or is this something I should take seriously before the relationship gets more serious?