Is it wrong that i want to break up with my gf due to a lack of sex?
My partner and I used to be sexually active and for the past year things have changed. We dont really do it as much anymore, usually once a month if lucky HAHAHA. Whenever i ask she would tell me she's not in the mood or that she's sleepy. I understand that but then she'd go and simp for gl actresses or other wlw fictional characters. I personally dont have a problem with those kinds of things coz i like them too but sometimes i feel like im not enough for her. I remember a time when i tried to look pretty for her and was trying to get her attention but she was so hooked on a gl drama's sex scene, i felt soooo ignored.
Now you might tell me to bring this up to her and have a conversation, I HAVE so many times before. At one of those instances she said she might be asexual and another is that she has problems and is depressed at the moment so she's not in the mood for it at most times. I feel like an asshole coz those reasons are valid, but aren't my frustrations valid too?
Since she said that she might be asexual, i asked her if doing it with me feels like a chore or something she had to do, not something that she wants, she said yes. Sex felt weird after that. I end up thinking she only did it coz i asked and not coz she wants me.
There was a time where i had distanced myself a bit which was hard coz we live in the same small apt. I learned that i can cope by taking my sexual frustrations out through 🌽. I cant really fantasize of things with her coz my mind would think that she wouldn't choose to do it with me or that she doesnt really want it. 🌽 feels like cheating but i was able to hide my unsatisfaction through it since i can act like things are okay and i dont ask her as much anymore. She also told me she doesnt mind if i watch so there's that.
I have already accepted that this might be permanent in our relationship and tbh i kinda want out. We have been together for years and she'll be graduating soon. Im worried that a break up might hinder her acads, thats totally on me. She has nowhere to go too if she leaves (i own the apt). I dont know if writing here is the best course of action but i dont have friends to talk about it either.