I'm failing at failing...
I started looking into OA lately to try and find some sort of support system while I deal with my food addiction and overeating issues. I was wrought with anxiety when I finally committed to joining an OA zoom meeting. It was a group of about 7 people and the easy back-and-forth made me think they had probably been a group together for a while.
Because I was indecisive and scared to join... I joined a few minutes late and caught on that they were sharing some sort of feelings about the reading and/or why they were there. And then I was the next person to get called. I literally wanted to choke. I mustered out that I was a little late and just kinda gave a short introduction.
They did a meditation, then reading segment and immediately called on me to discuss the meeting. I couldn't even hit the unmute button. One of the leaders hastily (and, in my opinion, with a bit of annoyance) said "I'll just share then" and went into her dialogue.
I posted a quick "Sorry I am just too nervous I won't rejoin until I feel able to contribute" and left.
I'm usually a pretty social person but these kind of things make me want to crawl into a hole and die. I also need a support group so I have some sort of accountability or peers who can empathize. I just feel stuck.
I'm going to look into what I can do on my own in OA.. but I feel like I'll just fail to stick with it.
Thanks for letting me put it all out there. Even if the connection is just superficial.. it's nice to be able to post it somewhere there is potential people understand.