r/OvereatersAnonymous

Anyone in OA found a way to create "red" behaviour without restriction?

(Main conclusion is below in bold, feel free to skip thought dump)

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Thought dump:

I did OA for 1.5 years, with major success for 6 months and then rocky success for 1 year. Ironically the main reasons for relapse were a series of sponsors who I found overbearing (it was easier to relapse than to tell them I quit them).

Eventually I gave in and binged an insane amount. It's as if my brain had been denied sugar for so long, it just went crazy. I began to think that OA actually worsened my binge eating issue long term. A load of BED therapy and Ozempic, and my eating has calmed down a bit, but still a problem.

OA gave me a lot of good things: A new found G-d, a community who understood, etc. It unblocked me for a while. Unlike alcohol it's hard to 100% avoid everything sweet, I never really felt neutrality around sugar.

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Conclusion:

Anyway, I'm tempted to come back but treat my binge eating behaviour similar to how a bulimic would approach OA: My problem perhaps is not the food itself, but my binging behaviour.

After all a bulimic doesn't make a promise never to ever vomit again, that would be impossible - we get sick. But they should never deliberately make themselves sick. The analogy for me would be that I will never deliberately overeat chocolate or sugar again - every triggering food must be planned out (amount, time), cannot be eaten when actively restless or discontent, etc. It's the extreme opposite end of bulimia, they purge, I overfill.

HP = reason, logic, philosophy. Not God. Fuck God. I tried many times and I'm just not going to believe in anything that I can't prove exists.

I have a food plan. I think I can do it. But nobody is willing to work with me at any of the meetings I've been to. "I only sponsor guys and 100-pounders." "I am full up." Fuck this. Fuck all of this. I'm so tired of this shit.

I need help. I think about food all the time. I eat too much and it's killing me. I don't want to keep living like this but I don't know how to stop. I know it's bad for me when I'm overeating and just keep doing it. I feel like an animal that can't control itself.

I (26F) have had an ongoing battle with compulsive eating since I was a kid. I am constantly going through bouts of fasting for days and losing weight just to come off the fast and gorge. Over the past two years I have lost and regained over 90 pounds. I am spiraling down a path I am worried I won't be able to get out of.

I am trying to start the OA program, but the only meetings available to me are online since I live in a rural area. I have gone to two virtual meetings but I just don't feel like I have accountability through a screen.

I need help. I would be open to any suggestions. I think I need someone to lean on and hold me accountable for taking care of myself. What do I do?

For context, I am a 5'10 female w an athetic build. I know 10-12 lbs for some does not seem like a big deal, but my whole identity was being an athlete, fitness, and healthy eating because i truly enjoyed it. Now, I wakeup wishing the day away honestly. I feel like all my workouts are punishment for the weight I have gained because I have been struggling mentally from burnout at a job I don't like, friendship loss, and just feeling overall not much passion in my life. I used to be the one everyone used to ask "how do you look so good?" or "how do you always eat so 'healthy'?". The truth was I was really enjoying finding healthy recipes, I felt like I was doing what I loved (my sport that I no longer play competitively), and I lived with my friends who I felt knew me better than I knew myself. I hate looking at photos of myself, all my clothes fit weird, and I honestly avoid social settings because.of my lack of confidence right now. The problem is that everytime I try to commit to losing the weight I start overeating again/end up gaining more weight. I know about calories/macros, I lift weights/run/prioritize steps but I am just truly exhausted because all I do is overcompensate for all the overeating I do. I guess I am asking for advice on how to overcome this? I meet with an RD, but she just tells me I need to be less hard on myself/give myself the freedom to eat anything (easier said than done). I just want to feel confident in clothes/photos again (honestly I'd be happy just with just losing 5 lbs). In the past, I never tracked calories and I somehow got to my lowest weight,. Now, that seems impossible, but I am tired of trying and failing everyday. It is truly impacting so many facets of my life. I will take ANY advice TYI !!

TLDR: struggling with food noise, weight gain, counting calories triggers overeating tendencies, feeling unconfident, how do I lose some weight/feel less inflamed/more confident without spiraling to overeating and then overexercising?