Meeting Narcissistic Jesus on 5
I have gotten very experienced with 5-Meo-DMT over the past few years and especially over the past 6 months. I smoke low to high dose synthetic 5-meo through a vape. Now that I am quite experienced with it, I can smoke it quite consistently over the course of an hour or so maintaining the high for that duration without it being an overwhelming experience. I have had some incredible experiences, one of which is meeting narcissistic Jesus.
I was raised fundamentalist Christian and had a deconversion experience in my early twenties. I was an angry atheist for a while and then agnostic and then had a breakthrough LSD session which has taken me into a more psychedelic based, multidimensional spirituality that values God in us - God Consciousness in the 13th dimension.
Over the course of a couple of months, I met and talked with Jesus a number of times. Before these experiences I had kind of come to the conclusion that Jesus was somewhat narcissistic as his church says that he is the son of God and in my mind we're projecting out our own God consciousness onto Jesus.
The first time I met Jesus here in the past couple of months under the influence of 5-meo-dmt and LSD, we talked about non-dual awareness and advaita vedanta. I was trying to be respectful as he is a very powerful spiritual leader of the past 2000 years. But he did seem to be struggling a little bit with the idea that we are all God.
Then a couple weeks later, I had a very disturbing experience with Jesus on 5, where I saw him going through the gullet of a reptilian along with another pedophile. He asked her what she was in for as they were descending to hell and she said pedophilia. He literally giggled and said, oh I've been there. This showed me he had virtually no remorse for what I understood to be the major problem of pedophilia in the Catholic church. Then on another related 5 trip, I saw or intuited a vision of him behind the eyes of his Catholic priests as they raped children. It was a very disturbing image. I may have discounted it completely, as I have also experienced some level of delusion on psychedelics. But, there is a strong basis in reality for pedophilia as a major problem in the Catholic church.
Then I had a 4th eye-opening and stunning experience on 5. I was listening to "I love you Lord", a Christian worship song. It is quite a beautiful song, and now there is new meaning in it for me as I sing this song for my own self and friends, recognizing and honouring the God in each of us.
I love you Lord,
And I lift my voice,
To worship you,
Oh my soul rejoice.
Take joy my king (and queen)
In what you hear.
May it be a sweet, sweet sound
In your ears.
I've enjoyed singing this with people in my life who I care about deeply. I feel there is a strong need to recognize God in each of us. One of the main reasons I left Christianity was because it seemed to project our power on to Jesus. But, in the end we all are steering our own canoes (a line I read by David R. Hawkins). We each have to take responsibility for our own lives, ultimately.
But Jesus showed up and was having just an incredible time enjoying the song in what seemed to me the most masturbatory way possible. He was giggling and so excited that I was singing I Love you Lord as he assumed it was about him. I saw him going to Yahweh, who he called "Daddy" and was so happy to be having a worship song sung to him by me. Yahweh was about as unimpressed as I was by him. It actually seemed to me like there is some brain damage or something that caused him to act so stunningly childish and narcissistic. I was reading the comments to the song and it is a Christian song so I was not surprised to see a comment that said "Jesus saved me and I'm so grateful he loves me so much." So I asked Jesus if he loves him and he giggled "No." He seems embarrassed by his church (as would I). It felt like Jesus must be on a strong opiate or something (I was not, last time I tried opiates was about 10 years ago), as he was just so ridiculously happy about being the Son of God, like a young prince being the ruler of his kingdom. But it was very selfish and gross. The worst and most hilarious, is during the song (it was a 20 minute extended version), he started masturbating and splooged on my face.
By this point, I was taking it in stride. It was jaw-dropping (though I kept my mouth closed as he astral splooged on my face), but I was trying to let it go and take the truth seriously, that I am God, as we all are, and whatever sick version of Jesus this was, I don't need to get livid about it. But it was extremely disturbing to see the son of God splooging in narcissistic delight... Lol.
I do think there is at least some truth to it (and I'm definitely open to the idea that it really is true, full stop). I have had some experience with delusions over the past couple years of psychedelic use, but I try to hold what I'm experiencing with an open palm and let stay what stays and let go what goes. So I don't know if I was really talking with Jesus though I do believe I was and maybe I was experiencing a perception through my lens of difficulty with the church and Christianity, but there is a strong basis in reality for serious theological error and heinous crimes that the church has committed.
I wanted to share as it's the most hilarious and shocking experience of my 5-meo journey so far. Let me know your thoughts :)