There was something noticed in meditation today for the first time. There is the witness / observer / awareness and then there’s the observed—even the witness / awareness is an object within consciousness. The Witness does not mean ego, it is prior, then there’s something even prior to awareness—prefer the term absolute consciousness that I stole from Maharaj because I couldn’t come up with a better one. I never knew what he meant till today.

I know I’ll never be able to describe this perfectly using words. But sharing is caring.

FYI I'm not going to milk her. I'm thinking Boobafina from Adventure time or Bufofina.

I have 5 freebase and wanted to try it for the first time today. I decided on boofing because I don't have good experiences with smoking any drug and I boof almost every drug anyway - in my opinion it's the best ROA. I weighed out 12 mg and let it fully dissolve in two drops of 6% white vinegar, then I added 0.5 ml of tap water and boofed it. Aside from a slight numbness and fatigue that I felt after about 10 minutes, I felt absolutely nothing.

About 3 hours later, I tried it again - same way, except this time I dripped the solution into my nose. This time the numbness and fatigue were even stronger and on top of that, I got a headache, my heart started racing and my vision was a bit blurry. I also felt a slight euphoria, but otherwise absolutely nothing. Am I doing something wrong or is the product bad? I just want to add that I got it from a reliable source and my boofing technique is perfect. Is it possible that I'm immune? I've tried almost all psychedelics and they've always worked for me.

My Girlfriend is going to do 5-Meo-DMT tonight by herself. There is no way I can talk her out of it. She is suicidal and she wants to work through her pain using 5-Meo-DMT.

I will be the trip sitter because I dont want her to do it alone, but I have never done 5-Meo-DMT and its only her second time.

All I want to know is how to keep her safe. When do I act, and when do I let it happen? I just want her not to die, the rest of the process is on her.

Please help, thanks a lot in advance!

UPDATE: She did about 15mg yesterday and it was so much easier then I thought. She moved in symmetry, grunted and screamed a tiny bit, then had extatic energy move throughout her body. She embodied it really well! She wants to go again this morning and now I'm much less afraid so thats awesome.

Thank you all for your advice, if you want to know how she's doing in a month or so shoot me a message because I'll probably forget to update here!

I decided to have a handshake dose at home yesterday. I loaded up 3.5 mg and put it in my yocan orbit and got going. After breathing in all the vapors, I had an urge to lie back and close my eyes, and I felt a calmness move through my body, followed by energy, moving up and down my spinal column, causing my teeth to chatter.

I lay in this position for what seemed timeless with my teeth, shattering and waves of energy, moving up and down my spine. It’s now about an hour later, and I feel very calm and grounded.

The day after I’m feeling calm and centred but woke up a few times in the night feeling activated

Can you have 1 a day for 10 days? Can you burn out? What are the healing effects of 5 meo?

Can you heal from anxiety

I have attended two different 5-meo ceremonies, each with a guide, both in the last 6 months.

My first time was with a vape pen, and I went up to a 7 second inhale, had some somatic releases, not even close to a breakthrough.

My second time was smoking the crystal from a glass pipe. I did three hits during the ceremony, starting with 3mg, then 7mg, and then 10mg.

On the 10mg dose it was pretty close to a breakthrough I would guess. I felt intense fear though I remained collected. There was a moment where I forgot I had smoked 5-Meo and thought I was dying, and then I immediately realized I wasn't and that I opened my eyes and though everything was very blury, I said out loud that "I know I am in Vancouver and I have done 5-meo" which made the shaman laugh.

I would like to attend another 5-meo ceremony with the same shaman from my second experience, and this time, I would like to breakthrough... What are some of your advice on dosing, letting go, and doing some mushrooms to get my mind a little more "ready" to let go?

I realize how dosing is so different from person to person, as there was someone at the previous ceremony who had an intense experience at 5mg, another person who on his 3rd dose did 18mg, and still did not breakthrough, and there was another person who totally freaked out and got up and started yelling at only 10mg, and with me, I just laid there flat feeling shit scared at 10mg, while not feeling it even closely as intense at 7mg. I'm very curious on what causes this huge difference in experience between people and if anyone can ballpark what dose would likely push me past that terror into the world of infinite bliss and love I keep hearing about :))

Side note; I am not interested in your egotistical advice on not "forcing" breakthroughs and just "sitting with the medicine". I know the whole ideology behind your advice, so save it for someone else's post.

Hi All,

In Mexico -- came down here for a ibogaine/5meo healing journey. Not psychedelically naive - lots of work with psilocybin.

Had a very meh ibogaine experience (the place I went, my body rejected the flood dose as it didn't feel like a safe environment). I had an initial and a booster dose -- approximately 9 mg /kg over 5 days. Then I did the 5meo (my first time) -- and was hoping to breakthrough. I had did 2, then 6, then 11mg of the pure molecule.

The first two times were initially panic and fear, and then intense somatic release and deep peace unlike anything I never felt. But no non-duality. Then the third dose was the exact same as the second two, and I don't remember anything of non-duality... the facilitator said I passed out for 5 minutes -- which I don't remember. Honestly very upset that I didn't get to have the big experience. This was Friday last week.

I have been having some small reactivations where I breath deeply and they end up being somewhat pleasant.

I have a lot to work on from the two experiences, but am in a place where I have an opportunity to do a native ayahuasca ceremony on Saturday but I am wondering about the line between safe and stupid and too much to integrate.

Curious for some thoughts about safety from some experts. My first ayahuasca experience was years ago and the container was terrible. This wouldn't be that.

Thanks everyone.

My handle is HumanPredicament. It's the title of a David Benatar book — the philosopher who argues life is structurally worse than we admit: chronic pain exists, chronic pleasure doesn't; damage takes a second, repair takes a year. I'd been depressed since childhood and suicidal since thirteen, and when I found him he was the only philosopher who didn't lie to me. No heaven, no karma, no everything-happens-for-a-reason. I respected that refusal. I still do.

In 2018, at 35, I posted to r/SuicideWatch (it's still up, archived) that I had scheduled my death for my 40th birthday. I'd tried nearly everything psychiatry had — the medications gave me migraines from hell, and I eventually swore off pills entirely. I want to be accurate about that post, in both directions. It was written in a low moment, not lived as a countdown — I never tracked the date. And it contained the sentence "I hope I can cancel it." Even the plan held the wish to cancel the plan.

A year later I got my first real break — full-time work I really liked. I hadn't earned it by healing. Life just kept arriving, indifferent to my schedule. Work steadied me more than I expected — and Emgality finally tamed the migraines. I became something like content.

Then 2021 ended hard. A relationship came apart, and with it an abortion I hadn't wanted — a child I'd hoped to keep. For the depression that followed I did thirty-three sessions of transcranial magnetic stimulation; it did nothing, though on the way out they said they'd keep me in mind for future psilocybin trials. Instead, I organized my own.

2022 was the pivot, and the pivot was mushrooms. Cannabis edibles had come first — curious, unimpressed: they bent my sense of time, not my sense of self. I used to say I came to mushrooms out of curiosity, not despair, and that was half true — I was working, functioning, content on the surface. The other half was 2021. On my first real trip I laughed out loud at the "everything is love" people. The most skeptical man in the room — also the only one (that post is still up).

A week later a heroic dose — 5 grams — called my bluff. It took me all the way offline: I forgot what my dog was, what I was. All sense of ego, gone — and the only tether in the room was a Google Assistant, patiently answering "what time is it" again and again (that one's up too). It spooked me enough that I didn't touch that dose again for many months. I came back holding onto a Phil Ochs song, the one about doing all your living while you're still here, like a life raft.

2023 came — my 40th birthday with it, the year I'd once named — and I didn't notice. No post marks it. I was deep in Ukrainian and music, and — hardest for me — in connection with people, which being on the spectrum had never come easily, arriving sideways. I never formally canceled the deadline; I'd forgotten it existed. The post didn't get refuted. It aged out of being true.

The war threaded through those years. A few journeys in, I asked the assistant to play something I'd like, and it played a Ukrainian war song — and my ego latched onto the war as a cause of being. It embarrasses me more than a little now: I was tripping in America while men my age were dying in trenches. Nonetheless the latch built real things — I committed to the language, joined a community that loves to sing, put more than five hundred Ukrainian songs through a karaoke app, sang some myself, no real gift for it. Clear Good against clear Evil; I still see it that way. If it's all the play, then even this is the play — I can write that sentence, but I can't yet say it over friends who lost fathers to it. More recently, after a stretch of incessant news-watching, I largely stopped. I'm leaving that tension unresolved; resolving it on paper would be a lie.

Before Mexico there was ketamine — the clinical kind. Work had turned high-stress, and I did seven infusions, each heavier than the last, north of 160mg by the end. In there I was energy, hunting the line between consciousness and unconsciousness and never finding it. I dissolved and didn't: the narrator stayed at his desk the whole time, timestamping the void, reciting my name and address to prove somebody was home. At one point I caught it live — my ego has an OCD; it repeats itself to make itself feel real. Universes assembled and dissolved in imagination; "reality" stopped being a category. The ego turned out to be part of the imagination too, and it resisted its own dissolution the whole way down.

Then Mexico, this February, days after a layoff — the Bufo Alvarius Sanctuary, and at the center of it a facilitator named Mario. I arrived carrying secondhand wisdom and tried it on him. "I heard enlightenment is an ego projection." — "Do the people who say that even know what enlightenment means?" — "I heard darkness is just the absence of light." — "New-age woo-woo. There's plenty of darkness in there too." Then he looked at me and said Bufo alone wouldn't be enough for a control freak like me — I'd need ibogaine as well. I did both.

He was right about the darkness. The first Bufo session was very high — north of 30mg in pure 5-MeO terms, if the conversion holds — and at the far edge of what I could hold I was crucified and electrocuted at once by loving but alien beings who were also me: my own cartoonish hell, cast and staffed by myself, running on eternity time. The worst suffering of my life — and after it, bliss with no ceiling. In that bliss I complained to myself about how much I'd suffered, and the answer came: suffering is over, no more suffering, just eternal love. The session traumatized me, and it was the best day of my life. Both stayed true. I've stopped trying to make them cancel.

Afterward I felt enlightened — and reasoned that if I now knew what enlightenment was, I must have earned it. So I asked Mario: did I pass the test? He said: "What test? There is no test. You're not that important, and you'll die." Two days later came the second session — pure bliss this time; I took all my clothes off — and when the ego came back online it asked the same thing: did I pass? Then it started making plans: stay in Mexico with the enlightened people, have the facilitators find me someone to love me — to my specifications, kinks included. Mistaking the substrate of love I'd just witnessed for an entitlement to be loved on demand.

Then ibogaine, which left me immensely blissful — blissful enough to stay on in Mexico a while, spending retirement savings on massages and fun. Then I flew home to no job, and the bliss didn't survive re-entry. I'm on the spectrum, and I had always identified with my work — no job didn't just mean no income; it meant no self to be. Depression seeped back in, and with it the old theme: suffering, and what it's for. I flew to Hawaii and hiked the Nāpali Coast I'd wanted for decades. Came home to the same fog.

The road after wasn't clean. One heavy session this spring spiraled hard mid-flight — I am God and I am damned — hard enough that I dialed a crisis line from inside it. The terror turned, the way it had in Mexico; the session itself ended in bliss. What stayed heavy was the after — the ego reattaching, and calling its reattachment suffering. Some of it was more than I knew how to hold.

Then Iceland: more rounds of 5-MeO with facilitators, doses climbing. Turbulent ones — heavy purging, and my body, nobody home, trying more than once to bite and scratch the facilitators and me both; a couple of times it connected. Each time I resurfaced into a blissful, semi-nondual state, the same question arrived on schedule: did I pass the test? At the last one they told me, warmly: you let go completely this time — you passed. And it still didn't land. Even the verdict I'd been chasing felt like nothing in my hands.

What finally arrived, only recently, wasn't new information. Mario had said it in February, and it bounced off. Iceland said the opposite — you passed — and that bounced too. No verdict from outside can settle a question the ego is asking about itself. What arrived was the question dissolving: there is no test. The bliss was never a grade for the suffering. Ecstasy is the floor, not the reward. And the ego isn't an enemy to kill — it's a miscomprehension, an evolved one, asking did I pass because asking is what it's made of. Even the ego is one of the soldiers.

That's when Benatar came back to me — remembered, not reread. He explains why we keep living despite the math as optimism bias: a cognitive error that makes us forget how bad it is. I don't think it's forgetting. Animals suffer plenty and don't seem to need an optimism bias to keep living — whatever keeps life playing runs deeper than a cognitive error. I think part of us knows it's a game, and that's why we keep playing. Benatar did honest bookkeeping from inside one character — and mistook one soldier's ledger for the whole book. Maybe the asymmetry is a miscomprehension too. An honest, evolved one — like the ego itself.

A new job starts this month. I got it the ordinary, active way — applications, interviews, an AI helping me polish what I couldn't phrase smoothly myself. I note it without promoting it to meaning: there is no test, so there is no payout. It's just the counter-thread that ran through all of it — while one hand was dissolving and purging, the other kept filling out applications, practicing Ukrainian, walking dogs, finding songs.

I'm keeping the username. I even drafted the upgrade once — something enlightened-sounding, EmbodiedTheo. That would have been the ego printing its own diploma. The old name was the most honest report I could file from where I stood, and I don't need to scrub it. But for the record, from the other side: from inside, that 2018 post's reasoning felt airtight. It wasn't.

Depression still visits; I'm not writing this cured. But life keeps arriving, indifferent to every schedule I ever set for it. In 2018 that indifference looked like the problem. Now it looks like the play.

I listen to a man on youtube who sometimes has 1 trip per day for 30 days. Whats he trying to accomplish here? Deeper trips that compound? Permanent enlightenment?

How often do you trip on 5 meo dmt?
Why do you trip that frequently?
How many trips in a period of time do you recommend in order to achieve real lasting change and deep healing?

I've never had a psychedelic experience, but reading 5-MeO-DMT trip reports has completely ignited my curiosity.

It feels like I've been left out, while you're all laughing together. Like a group of friends sharing a joke in the distance.

I want to be in on the joke too. Please tell me what it is those of you who have truly experienced it.

For the longest time I struggled with 5meo. Even with small doses (1mg subq injections) I had overwhelming experiences - mentally and physically. Too much fear and too much nausea. So I stopped.

I had huge breakthroughs with other psychedelic practices and now I feel more ready for 5meo as I feel more secure and discovered/integrated some of my major fears and traumas.
Now, the concept of death doesn’t scare me, I am actually rather curious about it, but with 5meo it becomes just a primal fear. Especially when I lose the sensation of my body.

Objectively I know I will be fine, I know the experience doesn’t last for long hours so I can push through it, and my mind is strong enough. Still somehow 5meo feels like a beast.

It would be easier to deal with it if I would only struggle mentally, but when I have this strong nausea and at the same time dealing with the fear of death, due to the physical struggle the mental struggle intensifies a lot.

How do you pass through that? Is there any practical advise to lower or eliminate the nausea? What works for you? Eating before or not? Any meds, herbs to consume before?
Should I do daily and desensitise with more practice? Or keep longer breaks? What strategy can you recommend?
I only do injections so I can precisely manage the dose and have a slower buildup which I need as I am alone without support.

Thank you for your advice.

Hi. Im healthy and ready. Unfortunately I ordered 'freebase' instead of 'salt' but I would like to plug instead of smoke.

Method:
From what I've learnt so far - I am going to drop 2 drops of white vinegar on 10mg of freebase, let that dissolve for 15 minutes.
Then add 0.3ml of tap water - stir - suck it up into the plastic syringe - slide it deep into bum hole - then expel the syringe completely - rest and wait for trip to begin.

Is everything ok with this method? Will it work ok.

Hi. I have been reading about 5 meo for 4 years and im ready to try it. My only problem is I have freebase not salt. I would prefer to snort it or plug it. Can you give me some precise tips on how to convert it to a snort able or pluggable substance.

I have some experience with 5-MEO-DMT with both a shaman and on my own. During my solo sessions, I have done repeated dosages. For example, I'll take one breakthrough dose, then following my return, I will take another, repeating this several times. Is repeated dosages in this manner safe? At what point does it become unsafe?