Wealthy or FI Ladies and Joint Finances
I recently married and my husband and I have a prenup. Two of the issues that we contemplated but tabled for later discussion have already come up and were around how to structure joint finances in the context of a (1) relocation for one of our careers and (2) one spouse voluntarily or involuntarily working.
We have moved out of the US to a new country temporarily for his job but plan to return. While we are here his job (senior company leadership) income has been covering our housing and transportation. He has also been covering most of the house/food costs on his credit card unless I used mine for my lunch or personal things. We have a joint card and previously split joint expenses proportionally to income when we were dating. We did not have joint savings.
However since we are really only now practically joining our finances and we are discussing if and what a fair contribution for me would be. I think ordinarily in this exact scenario it probably wouldn’t make sense or maybe even be advisable to look at any portion of my pre-marital assets as a contribution to the joint marital finances. Except if I FIRE and withdraw to contribute this income to household expenses. Is this fair?
We have long term joint goals though that make my FIRE goal seem premature. For example, I have already frozen eggs in anticipation of a future child and we may need IVF due to ages. I had contemplated and started funding a 529 and have cash that could be used for a future joint house down payment. We have agreed in our prenup that any future marital property will be owned equally. We also have joint savings from gifts from our wedding.
How else could I be thinking about this? I’ve heard various things from wealthier women but would love additional POVs and what others are or would potentially do!
I think I could still consider myself Coast FIRE now married instead of FIRE optional as a single person. We have lots of unknowns. I have thought of a 4% SWR in a FIRE scenario but could a less than 4% (e.g., 2% SWR) be a value base of what could be fair for us to think of as a contribution from me to the household or joint long term goals/savings while we have relocated for his job and if I can’t or don’t want to find paid work? We’re still in early stages of brainstorming so trying to think of ideas or identify and pressure test any issues I could be thinking of here from like minded and smart ladies/people.
Additional context:
- I have the higher NW (around 10x) and previously higher salary and a US based license. Finding a role in the new country may be difficult but I’ve now received the right to work after being on a year long sabbatical. He is also a professional. When we return to the US he would like to acquire a business and has been working on a plan for this both with and without investors. We are planning for him to save this while we are out of the US out of our/his one income. I would have to possibly primarily or entirely support the household while his business plans mature.
- This new country has enough restrictions that adding and selling equities in my portfolio would generate high (40%) taxes. I can access cash but USD is weaker.
- I am a US citizen and my husband is not. He will have a green card when we return to the US.
- Yes I have read and am familiar with Strangers in case it’s suggested and know it’s a cautionary tale. Genuinely different relationship dynamics here but I relate to the imbalance of wealth of the author and the slippery slope of gender dynamics relating to not working outside the home and childcare. However my wealth is not inherited/generational. I also view my foundational relationship dynamics as partner oriented from both of us. He is the neat freak and primary cook right now. We both clean and are reading books on the inequalities related to motherhood/parenting and try to be mindful of and fair on mental and physical load of relationship things. I am a fence sitter that leans toward having a child and he wants a child. I never saw myself getting married but he’s the kind of guy that I feel lucky to do the work of marriage with.
- I can provide specific numbers if that is helpful. But I have omitted because I’m not sure how relevant. I am not like generational or ultra wealthy and neither is my husband. Both upper middle class workers. In that scenario of wealth disparity I think I probably would just have gifted him an amount.