u/okwhatisausername

I want you to think about this for a second. Having an elaborate makeshift hallway of fans that acts as a poor man's central air is actually good.

Pros: fans are actually pretty frickin sick

Cons: people make fun of you online

- it's very taxing on your power grid

- sometimes when you're holding your cat shirtless when they have the zoomies they will kick a fan and gore you pretty badly

- people REALLY make fun of you online

- it's easy to get snagged on a fan as you're walking by

- the cat from before knocks them over during aforementioned Zoomies

-It's cheap

So I mean, yea. DSP is onto something here and honestly I'm sick of the way y'all treat him.

You brokies probably only have 4-5 fans in your house, tops.

How could DSPs streams get worse?

So I was watching the fire alarm unboxing, and then I jumped to the virtual boy ASMR stream. These are brain damage levels of incompetent and it got me thinking how could he conceivably make his streams worse than they are now?

He already shows no mastery or memory of any games. Has no charisma, begs all the time, he still snorts and wipes his face. He's rude, greedy, entitled.

My vote is if his streams were just a still shot of his chair and background with his AI hardstyle/edm garbage blaring, NO camera NO gameplay just audio of him asking for money every few minutes.

And to be honest we aren't really that far. I mostly described his podcast.

Sh*t

Him not knowing he had a Gnasher shotgun in the beta is making me unreasonably mad.

He's been gaming for over 20 years and you just don't think to press buttons?!

What do you do during the first few minutes of a game? You examine your kit, jump, find out which button is the map/interact etc.

He has NO natural curiosity about ANYTHING in his life. There's no difference between DSP playing a videogame and a toddler. He retains no knowledge and lacks any problem solving skills.

He booted up Gears and immediately resigned. He said, well they know the map and have all the good weapons.

The map screen as you're loading in SHOWS the location of weapon pickups.

Do you know I'm not playing the Beta? I saw all of this information FROM HIS STREAM.

Bro.

Whatever you're doing in your life, whatever you're maybe too scared to try or you think you're not good enough,

You are.

Because people like DSP somehow continue to exist and make tons of money.

F***

A lot of new faces around here, and it's pretty clear(lol). A lot of you don't seem to get it.

There's more than a few reasons a human being from earth would choose to have a hole with exposed wiring on their ceiling.

Reason 1: air flow. What's more important in the summer? A good BREEZE. Phil famously always has his windows open, he's playing 4D chess. Keep up guys.

Reason 2: Storage. This is multi-faceted because not only can YOU, a human, use the space for storing knick knacks and iunno let's just say nuts. Gourmet nuts even. Woodland critters can not only access the house but ALSO use the hole for storage.

Reason 3: Jasper. What is Jasper?

A cat. Correct. I know.

Cats LOVE a good dangling bit of string. When I see that exposed wiring all I can think of is how caring a cat father DSP is.

anyway, that's just a few reasons I hope I could help out the community. Phil really helps out OUR community and having a little door into his house for the upcoming winters means a lot to us.

(This post paid for by the Woodland Critters of Renton)

Literally, have any of you ever had to get up at the crack of noon after uploading videos all night?

Have you ever had a package of gourmet nuts DELAYED for a day?

What about an order of collectible trading cards LOST in transit

How about going to a grocery store and they are OUT of stock of something on your list?

I didn't think so, today, this bullying STOPS.

You have no idea what Phil goes through for us.

You got something to say to Phil?! You say it to Flatmanb

(Post sponsored by Crayola)

How do you feel about his complete lack of reactions to anything on screen(excluding fighting games) on account of him being terrified of being clipped? It's gotta be amazing watching this dark souls playthrough and watching him just stare at the screen Like he's catatonic(KAT-a-tonic?)

2. What flavor crayon is your favorite?

He didn't stick to his morals or values

He didn't rally his chat

What did he do? He attempted a plea to them.

He said I'm worthless, I'm small potatoes.

Why would you bully me?

You can go BULLY OTHER streamers and get way more attention.

He threw other people under the bus immediately and at any cost.

When people wonder why people have such a problem with DSP, it's things like this that show his true character.

Just a worm of a person.

You possess quantum entanglement technology to create a theoretical youtube account to bypass DSPs 30 year sub-only chat restriction.

You're in

You ask why it's so much money to open a pack of cards and as a follow up, you ask if you GET the cards you donated for

You are promptly banned.

Someone asked some variation of: "Why does your head look like that?"

His response was: "it's the perspective of the camera-" then proceeded to back away or whatever the f*ck.

Lmao, chief. YOU control the perspective of the camera.

It's like this, imagine you have a sandwich shop, and someone says, "Hey, why is all your bread moldy?

Oh, I ordered it like that.

Maybe don't order moldy bread, ya get it?

Can you even imagine?!

Lightbulb head a*s

Alotta peepul don't understand the new requirements for the special tier of card packs.

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Yes, the ones with Lightning Mouse and Fighting Bear. Allow me to explain:

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For $100 lump sum if your account is in good standing on DSPPrivateClub.org_real, you will be able to suggest that i open a higher tier card pack

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You can check your standing by using the decoder ring you were mailed at the beginning of the year and the star chart that is available every 3rd and 7th Sunday of each month.

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If you do not have the decoder ring, you can send me a one time fee of $150 for a replacement ring and I'll send you an Amazon link for the ring to purchase separately.

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Please know your zodiac sign and time of your birth and roughly the approximate longitude and latitude of the hospital or your reading won't be accurate.

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It's simple guys, please don't ask anymore.

All he did was enter into a beloved hobby with no intention of learning the rules, etiquette, or culture.

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Dive straight to the most predatory element of it by keeping cards from actual children/collectors/players by supporting scalpers who actively ruin most communities.

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Take advantage of his OWN audience. The people who show up support him DAILY by charging them $50 to open card packs they don't even get to keep.

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So yea, Phil may not know what that "fire lion" Pokemon is, but that card is worth $1.35 right now.

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If we get $50 lump sum I will open a pack of cards at the END of the stream.

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If we get $100 though every $50 cumulatively after that will be a pack opening.

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If we hit $300 and it's the 6th Sunday that month your dollars are counted at 1.5x the initial value

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When the bonus amount for cumulative contributions reaches over $600 we enter what's called "Support Frenzy"

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During "Support Frenzy" your contributions count for 2.5x AND I will take a bite of Chik FIL A sandwich every shout-out.

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This isn't hard, guys.

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Phil is a variety streamer. What do I mean by that? It means you can show up to a 007 stream, and Phil will beg to open pokemon cards.

It means you can show up to a castlevania stream, and Phil will beg you to open pokemon cards.

It means you can show up to a subnautica stream, and Phil will beg you to open pokemon cards.

Ya get it?