u/omfs_spouse

tl;dr: I'm a new professor and my spouse is applying OMFS residency. No OMFS programs in our city, closest are ~2.5 hours away. Do we: (1) prioritize nearby programs and do semi-long-distance, (2) have them rank freely and I try to move jobs, or (3) do full long-distance for 4–6 years? Looking for advice/perspectives!

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Hi medspouses! I’m seeking advice/stories from anyone in a dual-career relationship where both careers are somewhat inflexible..

My spouse is applying to OMFS residency soon, and I’m a tenure-track professor at a large R1 institution. I just started my faculty job last summer and I love it. This specific job, department, and institution are an amazing fit, and the type of job I have is also extremely rare. Job has good pay, stability, and long-term career potential.

The difficult part is that there is no OMFS residency in our current city (let’s call it City X). The closest OMFS programs are about 2.5 hours away in City Y. So my spouse and I are trying to figure out our match strategy...to the extent that there can even be one.

Spouse has a very strong application and is likely to match somewhere (based on feedback from attendings/program directors). Some stats (because I'm a scientist): overall OMFS match rate is ~55%, and for those that do match, there is a ~50% chance of matching to your #1 program and 70% of matching to your top 2 ranked programs.

OMFS is obviously still very competitive, and we know nothing is guaranteed. Like many aspiring OMFS residents, my spouse would ultimately be happy just to match.

All that being said, we are currently considering the following options:

• Option 1: Have spouse prioritize the closest residency programs to my job in City X.
  • There are about 3–4 programs within a roughly 2.5-hour radius. If they could match at one of those, I would likely split my week between City X and City Y (e.g., 3-4 nights in City X during the week and spend weekends in City Y).
  • Pros:
    • keep my current tenure-track job and avoid the uncertainty of me trying to re-enter the academic job market
    • we would be within driving distance
  • Cons:
    • living apart/commuting for weekends for 4–6 years sounds tough (and because they are the resident, the burden is almost entirely on me)
    • if we have kids during residency (not sure yet, but we are both 30 right now), the logistics could become much harder
• Option 2: Have my spouse rank OMFS programs according to their true preferences and then I would try to find a job wherever they match
  • The challenge is that academia is not exactly easy to move around in... My profile is somewhat competitive, but the tenure-track job market is even more so. A comparable job may simply not exist in the same area. Worst-case scenario, I might take a lower-paying lecturer position, a less ideal academic job, or temporarily leave academia for industry.
  • Pros:
    • we can live together during residency—maybe easier to support each other emotionally and practically during residency, also makes it easier to have kids
    • spouse could make their rank list based on program fit, training quality, and career goals rather than being constrained
  • Cons:
    • giving up my tenure-track job for uncertainty of job market which could have long-term consequences for my own career trajectory and...resentment
• Option 3: Just be entirely long distance
  • I stay in City X and he ranks according to preferences and trains wherever he matches. He returns to City X after 4-6 years of training.
  • We honestly don't prefer this option even if we both get to do what we want career-wise... I think being together to some extent is important enough to us but would still like to hear perspectives if anyone has gone this route.

If anyone has been in a similar situations:

• Has anyone been the non-medical spouse with a career that was also difficult to relocate? How did you protect your own career while supporting your partner?
• How is doing long-distance or semi-long-distance marriage during residency? How did it go? Was it sustainable?
• How much did you actually see your partner during a demanding surgical residency?
• Would living apart during the workweek feel that different from living together, given the hours? Are small moments at home still really important despite overall less time spent together?
• Question for the resident: how much did it matter to you emotionally or practically to have your spouse physically living with you?
• If you had kids during residency, how much would that change your advice?
• Looking back, do you wish you had prioritized geography, program fit/prestige, family stability, or the non-medical spouse’s career differently?

I know the match is unpredictable and we can only control so much. We’re just trying to gather real stories and perspectives to help us think through rank lists and what kinds of compromises are realistic!

Any advice or perspective would be really appreciated!