u/onionreloaded

I've been sober a little while now, and have been off codeine for almost 9 months, after spending 2.5 years abusing large doses 3-5x a week, taking breaks of up to two weeks fairly often (so withdrawal was only hard mentally tbh)

Last night I had a very intense and vivid dream. I was fiending for codeine hard. I remember it consuming my thoughts the same way it used to. Planning which pharmacy I would go to, how I could do a cold water extraction. There was a narrative throughout the dream which wasn't this, but through the whole dream I was wondering how I could get my hit. I don't think I got to the point of taking it, but I remember getting as far as straining the liquid through a t-shirt, the goop of the wet paracetamol.

I woke up thankful it was just a dream, but have been dealing with thoughts of it all day, that it would be nice to feel it once more, that it would be so easy to do it. But I know I can't. I have too much to lose, including a wonderful girlfriend who has already told me she couldn't deal with it if I became a drug addict again. Does this happen to others? How do you deal with it when it does?

I have been addicted to altering my mind for the last nearly 20 years. It didn't always have to be a specific drug, I just felt this insatiable need to feel different, from the age of 15, to now at nearing 35. If it wasn't weed, it was something worse. I've been addicted to benzos, opiates, and ketamine in the past.

I stopped opiates and ketamine for good just before I started dating a wonderful woman in September last year, after years of being single and lacking any physical or emotional intimacy. She's so supportive and makes me want to be a better man.

Weed was my last hurdle. For years I didn't even see it as a problem. Found it hard to stop because people around me were always doing it too. But I've been slowly cutting down, and finally made the jump a few days ago after my last dose of edibles. I feel pretty good overall, have been sleeping quite well, and my dreams have been super vivid. I never thought this would be possible for me, and I just wanted to share ❤️