How do I stop feeling rejected by my partner?
My boyfriend (M21) and I (F19) have been together for 9 months, and live 2 minutes away. We usually have sex 1-2 times a week, but often going a couple weeks without. I’m going to leave unrelated info out, but feel free to ask questions (just don’t want it too lengthy to read).
When we first started dating, I accidentally found porn saved on his socials. He explained that before our relationship he had a porn addiction, but we both agreed we would be hurt if the other watched that while. I’ve never checked his phone, I haven’t had a reason to not trust him, but I feel like its related enough to mention.
It’s currently been a month since we had sex. Last monday when he came over, I took the initiative. We were making out, it felt like it was leading to more. I suggested closing the door twice, first time I figured he didn’t hear me. But the second time was more awkward, I could tell he heard but didn’t want to. He invited me over for the next day, so I figured he just wanted to then. But he ended up canceling that day.
The rest week he got sick and stayed home.
I left that Friday for a trip (came back Sunday). The day I left got several texts like “If only you were here”, insinuating that if I was home that would’ve been the one day he made plans with me. He told me he was feeling better as well, so I figured he’d be eager to see me now. He’s still had work off and isn’t going back until Wednesday, and doesn’t seem like he’ll be planning to see me this week either. I almost cried today when he didn’t reach out, which is really unlike me.
I completely respect his decisions, and never want him to feel like he can’t say no. I truly hope this post doesn’t come across as me blaming him, because I know it’s on my end. I also know it hasn’t been that long, it’s just not our usual. I just want to learn how to redirect my thinking, and not take it personally or feel so unwanted. I have some past trauma around this stuff, but It’s never affected our relationship/intimacy before. I don’t really have any other women in my life to go to, but I know it’s maybe a bit of a dramatic post. Any advice is helpful.