Seeking advice: Feeling resentful and under appreciated as a wife
Hi all,
My husband (32M) and I (30F) have been married for a couple years now. He’s a stubborn person who hates any semblance of feeling controlled - which I knew before getting married, but feel like it’s gotten worse since. To illustrate, during a double date, the other man’s wife told my husband to go grab food from x restaurant (that he hates), and then to bring our hiking shoes for a hike later (he hates this too). For whatever reason, he was more than happy than happy to oblige on both items, but snapped at me when I asked if he wanted to hike with me a couple weeks later.
Recently, he offered to “go with me” to a concert of my choosing as my birthday gift, since he hates concerts and would never do so willingly. The thing is, we went on a concert for our first date and he never complained or expressed dislike LOL. We both agreed that we wanted 3 children before we got married and for the past year, I’ve been asking him if we could start family planning because I felt ready for children and offered a compromise of adopting a cat if he didn’t feel ready — he has firmly said no to both, he doesn’t want anything (not even cats) to impinge on his freedom of child-free life for now. I’ve compromised by bringing in foster cats since he won’t let me keep a pet long term. All that to say, I’ve been feeling under appreciated, as though he gives me what I perceive as the bare minimum but expects me to take it as a “gift” or him being extremely generous. I feel duped, as he’s never expressed such staunch stances before marriage (absolutely no pets, no children, no concerts, no exceptions). It makes me resentful and wishful that I had married someone different, someone who would be willing to at least indulge me.
I’ve tried to model being a good and supportive spouse, going to his favorite state (KY) twice over the past 2 years so he could further his whiskey hobby, though I don’t have a great interest in it. I feel discouraged in our marriage. I feel like I married a cruel and selfish man. I’ve prayed for our marriage and for God to change my husbands heart or change my perspective, and to be honest I haven’t seen a change in either.
Do yall have any advice? I’ve brought up professional counseling or church counseling with my spouse and he has staunchly refused on both terms — saying he doesn’t believe in therapy and doesn’t want to talk about his emotions, and that he doesn’t want our pastors into our personal lives.