I feel like I’m drowning
Hello everyone. I’m here because I feel like I’m drowning with all that there is to do and I feel like I’m not doing enough. Some context, Me (18m) and my fiance (18f) are expecting. She is 36 weeks and our son is going to be coming soon! I’m so excited but also this pregnancy has taken strain to our relationship. For most of the pregnancy she was working, but as a swim instructor and life guard so not making that much overall, while I work as an emt. I’ve been stepping up my hours to working 60+ hour weeks over the past 2 months pretty consistently. As she gets further along it’s harder for her to do some cleaning at home, and she asks me to do it. I try my best but also I feel like I can’t do enough. I’m always so tired from work, and I need my rest time as it puts multiple peoples lives at risk if I’m not at 100%, but that’s caused me to not work as hard here at home and I can see that I’m hurting her. It’s caused many fights between us because she wants me to get up and clean but also I have 1 day off then start a stretch of working 5-6 12hour shifts in a row so I’m trying to get my rest too be healthy. I know she’s going through a lot and I cant even begin to understand what she’s going through, but also I feel like she minimizes me when I’m at home and doesn’t respect the time I need to sleep, and it takes me getting annoyed/into a fight with her for me to get some decent sleep to be rested. I’m heartbroken that I can’t seem to do more but i genuinely don’t know how to manage all the cleaning and stuff while working so much, and I’m really trying my best. Now it could mess up our future because she sees it as I complain when I have to do cleaning. Cleaning isn’t my favorite thing to do in the world, and sometimes I do complain but that’s because I don’t get enough sleep, which sucks because I don’t know how to say i need this amount of sleep without seeming like I’m getting out of chores. Because of this she has said that she doesn’t want a second kid in the future because anytime I get remotely upset she sees it as more evidence that this is going to happen again on the second pregnancy and that she won’t do it. Unfortunately there have been times I’ve snapped at her but it’s not even anything that she’s doing im more dissapointed in myself.
Most recently, she said that she’s tired of this and that I should be doing better because I have more resources, like a therapist and I talk with my fiancé about my issues a lot, but she also knows she cna talk to me about stuff but she chooses not too, and she’s talked about getting a therapist but never got one, and it feels unfair that she was using that against me when she has the ability to have the same resources I do. I’m just lost and I don’t know how to help her because it feels like I can’t do anything right, and even if she doesn’t say that I just feel that way.
Sorry for the wall of text, I’m just going through a lot and needed to kindve rant and get it off my chest