u/organized_messsss

Assalamu alaikum guys!

Me and mum often have a lot of arguments and I lash out as well but I eventually end up feeling so guilty. But she’s so unreasonable… I do not like wearing a shawl while eating she always forces me to or argues that I’m disrespectful to her and the food and that I should wear it while I eat or get away from her sight, this almost everytime ruins my mood when I eat. Coz I get angry as this is just a cultural thing and Allah hasn’t commanded us to do so. Everytime I tell her this isn’t Islam we have a heated argument and she’ll shame me for not knowing anything about the Quran ( I most of the time do research when in doubt) even tho she hasn’t personally studied the Quran. She also insist I wear shawl at home because now brother is a “big boy” and I should cover myself. Now this was my last straw coz what the heck?! I can’t be myself in my own house?? It’s crazy and it pisses me off so much. I try to not have arguments but I always take the bait and she’s not emotionally mature enough to understand my point. She’s always picking and choosing Islam. Like fr example.. she’d watch teledramas on fb at night or anytime she prefers but when we play music or anything she’d start blaming how it’s the Shaytan playing at home and that we never listen to her etc… it’s been so unfair for me and I’m so done.. this has been going on for years. Even when it came to ghusl.. I learnt the actual way to perform it last year ( somewhat) and when I explained to her it’s done this way she started arguing that I’m wrong and the only thing we have to do after a shower is do wudu…. She hasn’t caught me taking wudu without shawl or the way I shower yet, if not it’ll be like a bomb blast at home. But I feel so exhausted and when I go against it she’ll cry saying I’m ungrateful and I’m like my father ( they have a shitty relationship) and that I disrespect her so n so.. I hate all these rules so much.

I’m aware I need to respect and love my parents! I love my mum so much I’ve been through a lot with her but I get so irritated and overwhelmed when I speak to her, and then I keep feeling guilty for treating her like this. I don’t know what to do.. I don’t want Allahs anger on me. I love my mother but I’m sooo emotionally distant from my parents due to everything I had to endure since I was a kid.

Reposting coz previous one got removed coz I used the word shyttttt

Assalamu alaikum w w my dear brothers and sisters.

I’m writing this today with a very heavy heart after so much suffering under my father. My father is almost nearing the age of 60 and he hasn’t changed even a single bit. He’s a narc and an angry man and tortured my mum mentally/ emotionally since they got married. He promised to return from abroad 2 years after marriage but he didn’t keep his word now it’s been more than 30 years. He’s tortured us so badly mentally and financially since he holds power, my mum actually got depressed after having me and went into psychosis several times due to not having proper support during postpartum and so on.. My father is neglecting us and isn’t in the path of Islam either.. he really doesn’t care about us, I’m almost nearing 24 and yet he hasn’t brought up anything regarding my future whether it’s marriage or not.. he funded my alevels and because I messed up he completely let go of me and I had to work hard and resit and now I’m continuing my education by working as a teacher even though I’m severely underpaid. He thinks that providing us food and basic necessities is enough, and makes it look like he’s doing everything for us to the society but deprives us of so many things. For society he’s a good man but only we know what kind of a person he is. My parents haven’t spoken since 2024 and as the eldest I’ve always been the middle person as held up everything together… now I’m interested in someone and him and his family are willing to try to get to know me and my family after a big fight.. ( he had to convince them) and I haven’t told my parents yet because I’m afraid of their reaction. Since I won’t be able to explain to my father this through the phone I wanted him to be present here to break this matter but it seems like he won’t visit SL anytime soon. It’s been 3 years since he visited us and his excuse is that hes “broke” 30 years and no savings no properties or back up future plans… or atleast he could think of what he will do when he can no longer stay there coz they will send him home once he retires (60)….he sold our property and even my mums gold and never bought it back for her… and now he says he has no money and isn’t even willing to think about my marriage or future or even saving up for it, I feel so tensed because I don’t want anyone to look down on me because of my father and I don’t want to be under him and go through this abuse like my mum did. She’s so hopeless and always worried about my future. My father doesn’t want to support my siblings either , always discouraging us regardless of us being high achievers at school and etc… he wants good outcomes yet doesn’t pave us the way for it.

And because I’ve witnessed all of this I have childhood trauma and still feel the effects of it even in my adult hood. I just feel so hopeless because all I’ve known in my life is pain and suffering.. I just wanted a loving father, is that too much to ask for?

No DMs please! Any advice will be appreciated 🩷