My husband won’t cook or wash dishes
Hello Everyone,
I need advice to figure out how to get my husband to understand my frustration.
My husband “31 M” and I “28 F” have been married for 6 years. Since our first year of marriage I have been trying to communicate to my husband that I want him to help more with the housework.
Over the past six years he has improved in many ways. He does wash his own laundry if I don’t get to it first, he picks up around the house, and we clean pretty well together if we have visitors coming over.
That being said there are still several chores that I basically have to BEG him to help with and even then he doesn’t. He never folds his clothes, he never washes the sheets or folds towels. He never cleans the kitchen and NEVER washes dishes.
I’ve been cooking for us for 6 years and always doing the dishes as well. This seems extremely unfair to me. We both work full time, and I actually work a few more house each week than he does. I manage our finances, handle all of our paperwork, administrative work and make all calls necessary about bills or to the bank.
We don’t have kids but it’s safe to say I carry 99% of the mental load. He goes to work, and comes home.
I am totally fed up with always having to cook AND wash dishes and it honestly hurts me that he has no problem letting me do that with no help when he knows I work more than 45 hrs every week managing a successful coffee shop.
To get to the point I told him recently if he won’t help with the dishes and cooking I won’t be doing either anymore and he will have to figure out what he’s gonna to eat each day. Every man for himself.
I thought this would convince him to help, but he told me it’s fine if I don’t want to cook and he will just eat sandwiches. I told him that some dishes will still get dirty even if I don’t cook and he shouldn’t expect me to wash them if he’s not willing to. He told me he will just use disposable dishes and won’t wash any dishes.
This honestly enraged me. How can he be so opposed to washing dishes that he would eat only sandwiches for the rest of his life and spend on disposable dishes forever? We are adults!! Adults have to wash some fucking dishes even if they don’t want to!! How can I get this into his head? I’ve tried everything to explain to him how important this is to me and he just doesn’t care.
I feel hurt and honestly disgusted. I don’t deserve this and I don’t want to spend my life with a partner who isn’t willing to pull his weight or see how much I’ve given every day to make our life better.
TL;DR
My husband refuses to wash dishes even after I’ve begged him for help for 6 years. I carry the majority of the housework and mental load even though I work 45 hrs a week.