u/pain-and-horny

My dad is in an involuntary hold for the third time in the past month. He refuses to take his medicine the way it should be taken and thinks everything is fine.

When all of this happens, he only talks to me. He called me at the hospital today and acted like everything was fine. I told him to stop calling me and said that if you don't take your medication you won't hear from me ever again. I feel like me saying all of that shir made it worse because I know you're not supposed to disagree with someone in mania, but what else am I supposed to do?

He is experiencing extreme psychosis. Like mind you he's Jewish, we found a BIBLE in his car today and he has been texting me he was seeing god which led him to us calling psychiatric services. He also thinks my mom is the devil which is the worst part about this. It makes me so scared because I'm hours away now and all I can do is hope this will end.

I'm trying to have fun here. Like I am but today when I was with all my friends I had to go in my room and just cry about everything. I am also scared for my wellbeing. When something bad happens, I don't care. When someone asks to do something, I'm like sure whatever. I feel so emotionally numb by this.

He claims to love his kids and family so much, but is actively hurting all of us. Why should I even bother anymore? I also said that I'm glad he feels so great, but nobody else around him does. Did I make it worse?

Like listen, I know I'm considered an adult, turning 21 in a couple days (woo) but I also know I'm a little young to know what to do in this situation.

I am mourning someone who is still alive.

I don't know if I could ever go home again. Everyday I think of how I can afford my own apartment after graduating and I don't think I'm gonna go home for Thanksgiving or Christmas or anything. I just can't do it anymore.

Please everyone pray to someone you believe in for me because I'm just so done and I don't know what to do anymore

Hey guys back with another update through all this bullshit
My dads back from the hospital and my nervous system is completely in shambles. I'm always on edge, overthinking, and I LITERALLY cannot sleep. I worked 10 hours today, felt completely exhausted, now I'm writing this as I keep waking up in the middle of the night out of fear.
The agitation from my dad seems gone, but obviously I can see some manic symptoms persist when he talks. He keeps waking up in the middle of the night and he's awake as I type at 2:14am.

I feel like I can't focus, my body is shaking out of anxiety, and I can't get myself to eat. I don't know what to do. I'm leaving Monday (part of me wants to just up and leave today) and I feel like I'm never going to be able to have fun. I just want to be happy and feel normal again without any fear of my dad going through another manic episode.
My mom and my brother said he's acting much better, which I could tell, but the restlessness is what is bothering me with him.

Now my questions are:
Is lack of sleep normal for bipolar people when starting new medication? I looked it up and it is but I need to hear it from people who have been through it lol🫩

How do I get myself to stop feeling so anxious??? I want to be me again and feel like other emotions like happiness or something

My dad comes back from the psychiatric hospital tomorrow. I've spoke to him he sounds much better which obviously I'm like great happy for him whatever. But after everything he put me through this summer I genuinely don't want to speak to him ever again. He blew all of our money which led me having to spend thousands of dollars to help my mom with everything. And I'm in college working my summer job so I can afford my rent and everything. Now I barely have money for 3 months of the semester.
I really don't want to speak to him like at least for a while. I know that when someone is bipolar they don't have control over their actions, but the hardest part of this is separating the stable version of my dad versus manic. I have been through things that I've never experienced in my life and have been feeling emotions I've never experienced and I'm just so done I feel like I have nothing left to give. I'm trying to pack right now because I'm leaving Monday and I just noticed he ruined a lot of my things so! Like I think this is just my last straw
My mom has been telling me to be nice whenever he has called and obviously I have but I feel like seeing him tomorrow will be triggering for me and I genuinely don't have anything to give anymore

I just want to know like am I a bad person for reacting like this is it normal to be angry??? I am trying to be as understanding as possible but I actually can't do it anymore

my dads manic episode became so bad I had to call psychiatric services and the cops to make him go to the hospital. he recently got admitted and I am scared and traumatized.

its been 5 days now. I keep replaying everything he did, said, and the look on his face. I feel like Im never going to be able to look at him the same and I'm slways going to be in fear.

I know I did the right thing. it was all I could do. but part of me is thinking I made it worse by admitting him into psychiatric care. I'm scared for him to be discharged and be worse than he was before. im scared he's not going to take his medication or the medication will make him worse.

i leave for college soon and I'm thinking of dropping out to be there for my mom and brother. I am scared to leave them because I know if I wasn't there, they wouldnt have done anything.

ive been looking up every medication, reddit post, going to therapy, making up every scenario in my head. I look in the mirror and I don't recognize the person I see. I've never been through something like this in my entire life and I don't know if I will ever be the same.

I know it's an illness. I know it's not him. but Ive never been scared of my dad until now. I don't know what to do.

i just want to know if it ever gets better? is my entire life going to be waiting for his next manic episode and protecting my mom and brother from it? should I stay home and drop everything? I don't know I am so lost