not sure who else to ask
(burner btw) so i’ve found myself in a sticky crossroads. i’m 26 and have been in a straight, monogamous marriage for 4 years, together for 7. i grew up crazy evangelical fundamentalist christian and have been heavily deconstructing (after questioning pretty much forever) for about 5 years now.
i’ve pretty much always knows i was bi, and when i learned what pan entailed to i identified with that as well, and i was in what was practically a throuple (so sorry if that’s like not a proper term or something) for 3 years, but i didn’t have the language or acceptance of that at the time.
i’ve always been interested in ENM without really knowing, and only with recent developments in my deconstruction have i begun to truly recognize that.
i have talked about this very openly with my partner as it’s been unfolding, but recently i’ve been noticing the drive for something outside of the two of us and to be completely honest it scares me. i’m so crazily in love and happy where i am, but i just have this nagging feeling that i’m denying my true self.
the push to seek out some help came from a silly and offhand desire to retake the bdsm test (not sure what the general thoughts are on that test, please enlighten me if there is something i should know) and without really thinking much about what the categories might be or trying to answer a certain way or anything like that, i got 100% non-monogamist.
i know ultimately the best advice is going to be to talk openly with my partner, and i definitely can and will, but i’m not really even sure yet how deep it is
am i overthinking/overreacting or is this something i need to follow through on considering/understanding? i love to read, so reading suggestions welcome!