Trying to be a better pet owner for my turtle
when i was around 5-6 years old, my mom got me and my brothers 3 turtles. They were highly uneducated on how to take care of them, and the 'knowledge' on how to care for them that i had came entirely from them. One died a year after we got him i think, but i'm not sure since it was a long time ago. My older brother took care of the two remaining ones up until 2 years ago. after that, they were left in a room no one in my family went in, so i'm not even sure if they were being taken care of. I was 15 when one of the two died, and i cannot forgive myself for letting it happen. I cant believe i forgot about animals that were in my house. The remaining one was moved to my younger brothers room but i'm gonna be real, he's very immature and I should have stepped in to not let him be it's main caregiver (especially since he's rarely home due to some circumstances)
Now, I'm 17 and realized a few days ago by going into his room that the conditions that she lived in were inhumaine. No lights, no filter, no heater, very dirty water and barely enough water for her to swim. I went to the pet store immediately and bought everything i needed. New tank, uv light, higher basking spot, filter and a heater. I installed the new aquarium in my room and am keeping a close eye on her. She seems to be struggling to dive which is a sign of gas buildup so i arranged myself with my grandma to get a vet appointment.
Even though i am trying to do everything to upgrade her quality of life, i cannot believe i let this animal neglect happen in my home. I know that my parents got us them while we were young and uneducated on how to care for turtles but i still let her live in those conditions for years. it has been over 10 years and i just... waited. It led to the death of the other turtle i had and just thinking about it is making me want to burst into tears. I'm a horrible human being. How can i claim to love animals yet neglect one in my home like this? I have 3 cats that i cannot imagine myself hurting and whenever i step on their paws my accident, i feel guilty for hours. So why did i let this happen?
The worst part is that nobody in my family seems to care about her. I asked my younger brother to help me pay the vet bill and he told me that he saw the turtle as less valuable than a dog or a cat, which broke my heart for some reason. I educated myself on everything to do and apparently for the day and night cycle, i should use as little light as possible when she's supposed to be sleeping. My parents made fun of me when they saw me squeezing myself into my room to not let any light in and apparently, while i was gone, they went in my room and opened my light just to look at the new installment. This is really making me very emotional because everyone else in my family saw her as nothing more than a decoration, including me not long ago. She didnt ask to be here. She didnt ask for any of this. All she wants is live and she has no one on her side but me now. I'm trying my hardest to provide as much as needed for her. If i notice that i am unable to properly take care of her, i fear i will have to rehome her. But i fear that by doing so, she will be in the hands of someone just like my parents.
Everytime i look at her, i feel the guilt eating me inside. I truly am a horrible person. But now there is nothing i can do beside try to make up for the years of neglect that she has suffered through. From now on, i promise that she wont suffer any longer