Who do I feel disgusted by insecure people?
As someone who is on her healing journey and has made so much progress throughout the year, I have noticed the feeling of disgust whenever someone shows insecure behavior. I started to notice this with my parents, especially with my dad: when he had told me something, expecting me to be in agreement or to validate his decisions and opinions; and whenever I didn’t, he would get mad at me. I found myself to be utterly disgusted by this behavior of his, even angry at some point; maybe that had made me believe at some point that he was weak when he acts insecure which I don’t like.
I've also realized that when I talk to new guys I am attracted to, and they show insecure behavior, my attraction fades (although not physically) to the point where, if I do feel any kind of chemistry, I choose to remain friends with them because I want to date people who wont look for others to validate them to feel good about themselves. And I think there’s nothing wrong with me wanting that, but the feeling of disgust and even irritation that comes along with a lack of patience towards them, makes me feel bad. I feel like I need to understand that they are also people; that some of them aren’t aware of their patterns.
Sometimes I still feel shame and disgust whenever I act insecure. I try to have patience with both myself and others but it gets hard because I am making an active effort to not be like that anymore.